Later Jan 5--after educational assessments

After 5 hours of tests, the Dr. determined what we suspected: Ben has a very high IQ, but he's also dyslexic. Really, Really Good to know! Hooray--we are now empowered!!  His high IQ is why he is actually above grade level in math (using blocks and manipulatives), and why he's been able to be at almost grade level in reading, with lots of extra help. A normal special education assessment would not have picked up on his central auditory processing disorder. Next step is to present the report to the school and see if the reading teacher has been trained on a specific reading system (there are 5 to choose from, but Wilson is the most common around here) that Ben needs to use to overcome his processing disorder. The Dr. is willing to train her (and me too!), at no extra charge, if she is not appropriately trained in this specific system. However, the school may require more documentation, since Ben isn't performing horribly in school. He's so smart, he's managed to squeak by (and any deficits would have been blamed on language acquisition). We may have to go to a the language and communication center in Rochester for additional tests just to confirm the Dr. diagnosis. We'll cross that bridge if we come to it. Special education services are provided by our local public school, and they hate sending a special ed teacher over to the private school without lots of documentation! Anyway, the appointment was fruitful, and now we can help Ben learn to read better!

educational assesments

I've blogged before about the challenge of meeting the educational needs of adopted children. First of all, internationally adopted children often lack some basic language skills. Many adopted children are not even fluent in their native language, due to the lack of exposure to normal conversation! Sitting in a crib all day is not conducive to language acquisition. Ben was 6 1/2 years old when adopted, and he had never attended any type of school in his life. However, Ben did speak some dialect of Chinese,but Mandarin speakers could not understand him, even in China. Consequently, Ben lost his ability to speak (his version of) Chinese since his adoption, but he still doesn't have the English vocabulary of a typical 8 1/2 year old American boy (yet). Supposedly, it takes 6-7 years of language immersion to be 100% fluent (reading, writing and speaking) in a language. What this means is, that in order to make certain that Ben receives as much extra help as he needs, we need to have him identified as learning disabled. Our government, in all its wisdom, mandates funding and services only for students who have disabilities. As an English Second Language Learner, there are some supports in place, but for Ben to really succeed we need to establish that he has learning deficits, not just language deficits. By the way, in NYS highly gifted children also receive ZERO support or special classes, as we found out with Connor. We are fortunate that (being in a small private school) our school has gone above and beyond to help all of our children. To make certain that they continue to receive the help that they need, today I am spending the entire day having Ben evaluated at Encompass Resources for Learning. This is the first step to obtain an IEP (individualized education plan). Yes, we can request that the local school district perform the special education assessment (for free!), but I do not trust the powers-that-be any longer. I used to believe that the public school really wanted the best for every child. It took me 20 years of having children in the school district to realize that the evaluators and administrations are really trying to find a way to do what is cost-effective and easy for them. With the budget cuts, and special education being a huge part of the budge already, it is easier, and cheaper, to determine all (but the most severe) children average. Yes, Ben is just slightly below grade level---which is an absolute miracle, considering he's lived here less than two years! But he gets tons and tons of extra help that he will not continue to receive in higher grades without an IEP. I only mention this on this adoption blog because many parents accept what the school says at face value. Don't. It's tedious and frustrating, but as parents of children who are adopted, it is crucial that we fight for our children's educational needs. Again, we are extremely fortunate that we have the resources (both financial, my time and my educational background) to take the steps to take to get what our children need. So---yes, hiring an independent evaluator to test Ben is an expense we don't need, and it will take several days, but we strongly believe that it is money well-spent. Next up---let's see how Sam and Leo do with our homeschooling April-September. Will they also need an IEP? Probably. I'm prepared.

Care packages, photos and letters

Today, I mailed packages to our two little guys in China. I included toys, candy, disposable camera, photos of our family, and assorted little items that a boy would enjoy. However, I didn't get too carried away sending things because Ben told us that he never received any of the items that I sent him, other than the photos of our family. I did enclose a short letter too, with John's help. Google translate, just so you know, is wayyy off the mark. I wrote the letter, translated with Google, and then showed it to John. He just laughed and said that half of it didn't even make sense. Lately, John has been helping other adoptive families write their letters too, for a small fee. He wrote a nice personal letter to a 12 year old girl from Beijing who will be coming home to her family next month. Other translation services can give accurate translations, but John can actually speak to the child's fears. John remembers what it was like, less than 2 years ago, to be pulled from his home, his culture, his friends and his "family." Fortunately, John also knows that he is fortunate to live here in America now. In the meantime, we just wait for April and hope our little guys adjust to our family as fast as John and Ben.

A Plan....maybe. And a rant

Today I received a phone call from our pastoral associate at church, with a brilliant idea! She knows a young woman, who is a recent college graduate, who might be able to stay at our house (with the kids and dogs) when we go to China. I spoke to her for about 15 minutes, and she is going to come over to meet us and the kids on Wednesday evening. I am not going to say problem solved, yet, but we might just make it work. For us, money is always the biggest factor when planning. For instance, both Austin and Connor can probably stay with one of their friends (for free), but then we have to pay to board the dogs. Is it less expensive to have someone stay in our house and let the 2 boys take care of the dogs? It might also be less costly if we leave all four of the children home with the sitter, but we really do view this as the only opportunity to take the boys back to their home country. I doubt we'll adopt again, although I never know for certain what the future holds. The cost of adoption holds us back, more than anything else.

And if you think it's less expensive to adopt from the United States, think again. Adoptive parents in the US usually pay for the birth mother's medical expenses and living expenses while pregnant, the attorney fees, the court fees, and the travel expenses. Then, the adoptive parents have to be prepared to maintain contact with any and all assorted relatives, any of whom can sue for visitation rights (and win). Yes, there are thousands of children in the US foster care system. We are certified foster parents ourselves, and have provided respite care for five children to date. We would've happily adopted the sibling group of four foster children we had in 2008-2009, if the US system would have allowed it. Our foster children had three different fathers, which means that they will not be legally free for adoption until all the extended relatives get their shot at parenting and fail. By then, they will be messed up teenagers. These four darlings, ages 2, 3, 5 & 8, lived with us off and on for a year, every time they were between relatives' homes. It was a nightmare situation for them. So, for those critics who assert that we are neglecting our "own" country's children while adopting from oversees... get your facts straight. There are way more willing adoptive parents than there are children in foster care, but our government places too many barriers to adoption.  Read the statistics, easily found on the US government sites, or on Listening to Parents.  And, by the way, kids in US foster care get a week of free summer camp, tuition assistance, medical care, dental care, clothing, education, and Christmas gifts every year. Most orphanage children internationally suffer from malnutrition and the basic necessities of life. End of rant.

Resolutions

This time of the year everyone is busy making New Years resolutions. I resolve (virtually every year) to lose 10 pounds; every year I lose the weight ,only to gain it back again by the year's end. This year, we will be adding two more little guys to our family and that should be enough accomplishment for now. After skiing yesterday, I cleaned out the basement and brought up the box with the little boys' clothes. It's a bit early, but I was thinking it was time to wash them and put them in their bedroom. We received our letter that our I800 was sent to the NVC on December 22nd. By my calculations, we should receive our article 5 in two weeks, and then our travel approval by the end of January!

New Year approaching

Christmas has come and gone in a flash! Xiao, our exchange student 08-09, came to stay with us for 10 days, and once again our house was filled, almost to the brim with stinky boys! We went skiing for 3 days, and visited an indoor water park. Our routine was disrupted, and, really, everyone survived. This mom hasn't worked-out in over a week (and that's a big deal in our house!), but life goes on. We are all celebrating, and also relaxing. Happy New Years!

Schooling older adopted children

I've had several people who visited my blog ask about schooling our children after their adoptions. Ben was 6.5 and John was almost 14 when we adopted them March 2010. If you read our first blog, http://petersadoption.blogspot.com -- I stopped blogging when the children were just going to begin public school. Well, public school was a big, big mistake. Really. IF it is at all possible, do NOT send your older adopted child to public school. First of all, John had to spend a week testing, as mandated by the state of NY and our Federal government. He didn't understand two words of English, of course, so the testing itself was upsetting, confusing and frustrating. Then, the school decided to place John in 6th grade (age 14--normally 8th grade), and (because of his test results) he was required to take 3 periods of ESL a day. His ESL class was made up of Spanish speaking migrant workers' children, and it was a complete and utter waste of time. I sent in several hundred of English/Chinese flashcards that I bought, and I purchased an English language learning program for Chinese speakers for $500.00. The teacher basically babysat the kids all day and did not even look at the resources that I provided. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the only English he learned at school, in  the 10 weeks he attended, were profanities. His first full English sentence was to tell his brother to "F off." In addition, John latched on to the kids who would readily accept him, and naturally they were the losers, dealers, and delinquents. John was almost 14 years old upon adoption, but, like most institutionalized children, he was several years behind socially, emotionally and academically. He looked an acted like a 10 year old. Also, attending school all day really slowed down John's English acquisition. Sitting in a classroom most of the day with kids who did not speak English (and had no intention of learning English) only made John resist us more. In addition, it took away from the time that we had with him to establish our bonding etc. In June, we called a meeting with the administration, guidance office, ESL teacher etc. I have never seen my husband go absolutely bonkers (he is an attorney), but I thought his head was going to explode when the vice-principle bluntly announced that John would never graduate high school. He'd be 21 (and age out first) because John was going to miss 3 core subject classes a day, in order to attend his federally mandated ESL classes. John would not get enough credits to graduate, according to the administer, in four years. I had to almost physically restrain my husband. Then the principle said that, by the way, HE was going to make the educational decisions for John, since John was at school 6 hours a day and ultimately the principle is responsible for the child's education and the principle knows what is best. Umm. No. Sorry. You just happen to work here right now. Our son's education is way more important to us, than it is to you, jerk. You might have him for a few years, but he is our son forever!! And we know him better, understand his needs, and you know virtually NOTHING about children adopted from China, or their needs! I am certified in NY to teach Reading K-12 and English 5-12, so I could at least speak the school's lingo, but the administration was practically trying to bully us!  As I said, I'd never seen my husband go ballistic, but he went nuts when the school told us that they were going to make all the decisions because they knew what was best. And that John would never be successful because it was just too late for him. The next day I started a search for a private school. Our oldest son (now age 16) has been attending an all-boys college prep school, McQuaid Jesuit, since 7th grade, and at that point I was homeschooling our son who was 10. McQuaid, however, has rigorous admission requirements and costs 2 arms and a leg. And I just didn't feel up to homeschooling an angry, defiant teenager who didn't know English. We knew that McQuaid or homeschooling wouldn't be an appropriate education for John. Then, I found Lima Christian School that offers K-12. The school works with several agencies in Asia (China and Korea) that sends students to Lima Christian to master English so that they can get accepted into American Universities. The school knows how to work with Asian students, and the other ESL Asian students in the school are highly motivated to succeed. The school placed John in 8th grade (only one grade below age appropriate), and arranged his schedule so that he had the ESL teacher all to himself for one period a day. He also had a study hall where he was peer-tutored every day. The teachers hold him to the same standards as the other students, but they do provide extended test taking time when necessary. We receive weekly progress reports, and we spend hours with him at night doing homework. The school jumps through hoops to make certain that we are happy, and they check with me before adjusting his schedule or giving him modified assignments.  Now, John is in 9th grade and he works independently( most of the time) at the 9th grade level. He maintains a B/A- average. At my request, we continued the one period a day with the ESL teacher.  She makes certain that he is "getting" everything. Next year he will join the regular English class and will no longer be considered an ESL student. Ben (age 8.5 now, 6.5 upon adoption) never received ESL classes. He's completely fluent in English, and at grade level in math, and reading at Kindergarten level. He receives a double dose of reading class, and receives tons of extra help. At the private school we are the consumer...they will adjust the curriculum to meet the child's needs because if they don't they know that we can find another school! Our son Connor, who was home-schooled for several years, would be in 7th grade in public school because of his age. He is in 8th grade at LCS, because of his abilities, and in 10th grade math and science. Of course, he has a 95 average too. With a graduating class of only 16, the school can be flexible and meet all our children's needs! Hooray!