Flights to China

Instead of exercising for hours this morning, I spent all morning on the computer. First, I was checking flights to and from China. Because I was an international travel agent for many years, I am super particular about flights. And I want more information than the online sites provide the average consumer. For instance, I want to know the fare breakdown (or fare ladder). That allows me to see how much each segment of the flight actually costs. So, if Rochester to Harbin is a through fare, then it will be the same price as Rochester to Beijing. That means I'll book our flights directly with United right to Harbin. But if it's a point to point fare, it might be cheaper to book to Beijing and then book Beijing to Harbin with China Air directly. I hate not having access to the United Apollo system anymore. I also spent a long time today reading other people's blogs. Their stories are so inspiring, and truly uplifting. Their stories keep me going, during this long process. I had to set our blog to private today because the anti-adoption crowd has made us their latest target. So our story won't be available to inspire others without an invitation from me. Boo. Hiss.

Other people's perceptions

Almost 10 years ago, I was widowed. Only a year later, I got engaged, to my husband of almost 8 years now. And we're still deeply in love. But 9 years ago, when we got engaged, we set our wedding date for 18 months off, only to appease OTHER PEOPLE. Upon discussion and reflection, we finally decided that people who were against me remarrying, would be against it anyway. No matter when it happened. We knew that we knew what we were doing. We were in our late 30's, not lust filled teens. So, we changed our wedding date, and we married, less than 2 years from my late-husband's death. Now, once again, we've heard criticism from the choir. This time, it's not our good friends or family who were concerned for me; it's a website. Yes, we've been tried and persecuted via the web. There is a website that quotes our adoption blog and claims that 1. We are child collectors, and 2. We adopted John so that he could establish a business and subsequently make us rich.
Of course, anyone who knows us, will laugh or gasp. For some reason, I am actually a bit upset. I even took the time to explain that John has earned $75 on his business, and that he kept 100% of the money. And it cost over $20,000 to adopt. How many $10/page letters would John have to write to "make us rich." Why do I actually care what these weirdos think? It did make me want to remove all photos of our family. I did remove photos of our house. Ick. Weird people have it "in" for us because we are "child collectors." According to this group, international adoption is bad, bad, bad!! Really bad. And we're bad people because we adopt. Hmmm. Anyone who has seen the gains made by John and Ben could testify otherwise. Why do I even give a crap? I don't know. But it does bother me that I'm being held up as the bad guy, when our adoptions have been great for everyone involved. This is why we held off over a year telling people that we are adopting again. Ugh. Didn't they learn in kindergarten, the golden motto? If you don't have anything nice to say then Shut the Hell Up!

Saints we ain't

I posted a link to this blog on my facebook page, and so now everyone under the sun knows we're adopting again. I did have to clarify to my facebook "friends," that we definitely are NOT saints. Yes, we want to make a difference in the world, which is why we chose to adopt children with medical needs, but we also just really enjoy having a large family. The camaraderie, the laughing, the noise, the fun of a houseful of  boys is what makes us happy. I am extremely fortunate (PTL!) that I am a stay at home mom (with a housecleaner too!), so the work of a big family isn't too much for me. Yes, I sometimes get upset that things are always getting broken, but overall, a household of children brings us unlimited joy. We do spend a fair amount of time at various Dr. appointments, after adopting, but helping the children get healthy is rewarding too. Ben's mouth was so abscessed and infected that he could hardly eat when he first came home. He only weighed 29 lbs at age 6 1/2, and he was feverish from the infection. Here in the U.S we take oral hygiene for granted. Even our foster children had excellent dental care. Ben had constant mouth pain in China, but a quick trip to a U.S. hospital (we had all his dental work done under general anesthetic so that he wouldn't be traumatized) and he can eat again. Just not hard candy, because he has four crowns! Anyway, my point is that you don't need to be a saint to help orphan children. You can sponsor a child's education in a foreign country, pay for a child's operation (Love Without Boundaries), or donate bottles/wheelchairs to orphanages worldwide. Or adopt!

Older Children adoption

Twice this week I've come across (in my yahoo adoption groups) families who went to China to adopt an older child, and the child simply refused. Wow. I can't imagine the pain these families must feel. After a year and a half of waiting, all the paperwork, all the money, all the training and all the hoops, to get to China, then to have the child essentially reject you. That is a terrible situation for everyone. When we adopted John we didn't even know that he had the option to refuse to go with us, although we did ask him if he wanted to be adopted (through the translator). He said yes, of course, but he was so obviously frightened and nervous, I couldn't tell for sure what he really felt. But, what a nightmare situation for those who are attempting to adopt children who really don't want to be adopted.  And, at age 10, the age where the child has to sign for himself and agree to the adoption, the child can have no idea what kind of a horrible life he/she will have in China after aging out of the orphanage. Occasionally a child can stay in the orphanage as menial labor, but usually the orphan child lives a life of poverty or worse. Many of the children become beggars or prostitutes. The last name Fu (Fu, KangChao) means orphan, so it's not as if our child could quietly blend into Chinese society and get a job. Without family, in China, you are nothing but a bad omen. And looking at how amazingly far John has come in less than 2 years, I can't help but think what a waste it would be to the world if John was left to live on the streets. Almost 2 years later, I realize how blessed we are to have our son John. He could've said, "No." He chose us to be his family. The thought still boggles my mind.

Money

Money, as you probably know, is a big part of the adoption process. Most people don't have an extra $25,000 sitting around. We don't either. Lots of adoptive families have fund-raising pages and hold events in order to raise the funds. Now that we are just waiting for our article 5 and Travel Approval, I'm starting to worry about the orphanage donations. Yes, donations is the word they use, although the fees are mandatory. Last week I took my wedding ring set (from my late-husband) to be appraised so that I can list it for sale on Craigslist. Ken died almost 10 years ago, the ring just sits in a drawer, and we need the money for the adoptions. We also rented our cottage out over the 4th of July holiday, when we have always reserved that week for ourselves.I am hoping that little extra income from the cottage rental will make a dent in the bills.But we actually HAVE a cottage, so fund-raising isn't something I'd feel comfortable doing. We can always take out a home equity loan, if we have to, so I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. I'm not. I'm just saying that adoption really is expensive. Recently, I activated the adsense google ads on this blog, but so far that has not generated a single dollar. Yesterday, I called Royal Caribbean to see if we could cancel our cruise (Feb. break) and get a refund on our credit card. Nope. We will lose $3,000 if we cancel now, plus the price of the airline tickets. I booked the cruise last year, thinking we'd have the boys home by now. Instead, it looks like we will be going on a very expensive vacation, only 6 weeks before going to China. Not a good way to manage money. If we were two weeks earlier with all our documents we could've gone to China in February, and not the cruise, but Elizabeth thinks we'll need at least three weeks to receive travel approval, since we're adopting two children. Our article 5 will be picked up Feb. 1st.That means we should get travel approval mid-to late February, while we are on the cruise probably. Oh well, this too shall pass, and years from now we will look back and remember fondly. Money isn't what we remember, when we look back. Once again I have to remember that my plan is not His plan. On a positive side, I spoke to Elizabeth at our agency for 45 minutes last night. She assured me that the travel agency will somehow be able to get us rooms in Guangzhou during the trade show. The rooms show sold out (or triple the price) online, but the agency always holds a few rooms just for adoptive families. She said the last time they had serious trouble during the trade show was 2003, and then they simply housed the family in the suburbs an hour away. I wanted to stay in the Holiday Inn Shifu, but beggars can't be choosers. What this means is we have tentative dates now. We can we travel to Harbin April 7th, begin the adoption of Dang, Tong (Leo) April 9th, fly to Jinan April 11th, adopt Fu, KangChao (Sam) that week, fly to Guangzhou April 13, have our medical appointment etc. and our consulate appointment on April 19...home April 20-21. Whew. Got all that? Looks like today I'll be looking at flights!

Trip dates--foiled again. And Article 5 should be picked up Feb 1st

If you've followed this blog from the beginning, you know that originally we hoped to travel in December (last month). We need to travel during a school break so that John can come with us and not miss more than a week of school. Yes, I know, the trip is educational etc.etc. , and for some kids missing school for a trip to China would be ok. But John is in 9th grade this year, he has only been speaking English for 18 months, and missing even one day is tough for him. Well, obviously we didn't get to travel in December. The next long break John has is Easter break in April. So last night I was emailing our agency about traveling during Easter break, and that too looks to be problematic!!  The Chinese holiday (sweeping out the tombs) is either April 2-4 or 4-6. The actual holiday is the 4th, but we are not sure when the government offices will actually close. If we travel that week, we might not be able to complete the paperwork needed due to closures.  In addition, the second week in April is when Guangzhou has a huge trade show. All the hotels show sold out. I spent hours online looking at hotel options, and even held two rooms at the Holiday Inn Shifu April 6-14, just in case we manage to coordinate our travel for those dates. So....if we can't make April work, we will need to stall our paperwork and plan on traveling in June, after school lets out. I hate to make our kiddos wait any longer though. Somehow, this will all work out. Again, I need to remember that this is all God's work and He is in control. Oh yes, I also found out that our article 5 will be ready for pick up Feb. 1st.

Over a YEAR now

I began this blog just about a year ago, a month after we submitted our application to adopt again. I'll be cliche and say, boy does time fly. Yes, sometimes I get frustrated that our adoption is taking a lot longer than I anticipated. Sometimes I see blogs that feature families who have adopted 6 children from China within 18 months (I'm NOT kidding or exaggerating) and I wonder why our process drags out. But then I remember that I'm not in control, for a reason. I remember that my timing and my agenda are not the focus of our adoptions, our children are. The timing will work out for the best. I do have faith; I just have to keep reminding myself! It's been almost two years since our adoptions of John and Ben, and I continue to be amazed at their progress. John has recently started a translation business. Actually, it's much more than that. He does not just translate letters (English to Chinese) for parents of children who are waiting, he also composes reassuring individual letters to children written from his own perspective. I'm just bursting with pride! Yesterday, John watched the video of a 12 year old girl (her parents emailed it to us) at least 5 times before writing her a letter. In the letter John recounted his own fears about adoption, and reassured the little sweetie that she would be well-loved by her new parents. It's amazing to me, this work that he's doing. I  think it's therapeutic for him too. Next week, we hope to create a movie of John speaking directly to waiting older children, answering their questions and alleviating their fears. Parents will be able to purchase the DVD and send it to their waiting child. John even built a website for his business, although it's a bit rough still! Yes, I am a proud, proud mom. http://adoptionletterstranslate.angelfire.com/index.html