April 11 2012 Harbin

After spending most of the day in the airport, we arrived last night, around 7pm. All three of our sons were great in the airport (we waited six hours) and on the two hour flight. Ben and Sam slept most of the flight. We found that Sam is not at all shy, he knows what he wants, and he’s not afraid of strangers or airplanes. Sam greeted our guide confidently, chatted with her in perfect Mandarin, and seems to be in perfect health. Sam is 6 ½ years old, and, although he’s small in size, he can count to 40 (at least), and seems to be developmentally on target. Our guide escorted us to the hotel, and we went directly to bed. This morning as we headed to the breakfast buffet, Sam didn’t hesitate to hit the number 2 button on the elevator. Our buffet was on the second floor at the other hotel. The buffet is on the fourth floor here, but we were impressed nonetheless. At 9:15am, we met our guide to go meet Dang Tong at the Civil Affairs office. We wanted to meet him at the orphanage, but we were told that foreigners were not being allowed there anymore. The orphanage staff would bring him to us at Civil Affairs. Susan, the director of the adoptions at Civil Affairs, obviously loves the children and her job. She spent 45 minutes with us, presenting gifts to Ben, Sam and John and asking about our family. She had us show her on a map where we live, and she told us that her son attends college in Toronto. By the end of the interview, Susan told us that she will try to visit us the next time she’s in Toronto with her son. We signed an agreement that we will have 24 hours custody of Dang Tong, and then we will finalize the adoption tomorrow. This 24 hour “harmonious period” is so that adoptive families can assess the child and make certain that they are able to be good parents to the child. We skipped this step with Fu, KangChao because we expedited his adoption. Finally, the orphanage staff brought DangTong (Leo) to us. As is the Chinese custom, he was bundled up in so many layers that he could barely move. There were ten adults in the room at that point, all speaking over each other, telling Dang Tong about his brothers and his family. Of course, he looked petrified! Then Dang Tong went over to his backpack, and brought out candy that he happily distributed to everyone. While he was passing out the goodies, we had an opportunity to ask the orphanage staff questions about our son. The only question I had was if he got car sick on the ride over (he did not), and if he was potty-trained both day and night (yes). After ten minutes of chaos, we headed back to the hotel. I worked hard to establish eye contact with Dang Tong, and he finally spoke his first word in Mandarin. I didn’t know what he said, but he was finally not frozen in fear. The car ride was only 20 minutes, and DangTong sat on my lap the entire ride. I placed my cheek on his, and he leaned into me and smiled! In the hotel room, Dang Tong began to pass out everything in his backpack. Over and over he would bring us crackers, cookies, candy, sugar cubes, and all his treasures. We would each say Xie Xie (Thank you) and he would go get us something else. It was like playing tea party with a toddler. An hour later, Fu KangChao (Sam) and Ben were getting a bit wild, so we decided to walk with the boys to the park nearby. It is cold here, 30 degrees maybe, and windy. As we walked to the park, Dang Tong held my hand and clung to my side. Fu KangChao also held my hand, but only because John needed a break. As I’ve said before, Fu KangChao has bonded with John, and John is already getting tired of being a parent. Lol. John will be a great parent, when the time comes, just not ready to be “on” full time now. DangTong is almost as big as Fu, KangChao, even though he’s 17 months younger. This area of China is heavily influenced by Russia, and the people are taller. Other than size, the two boys are nothing alike in personality. Fu, KangChao has a strong, leader personality. Like two dogs, Fu, KangChao already tried to see if he was alpha to Ben. Ben, who is usually complacent and more than cooperative, did stand up to Fu, KangChao. Ben has made it clear that he is not going to be dominated by this little spit-fire brother. DangTong, on the other hand, is developmentally like a three year old, from what we’ve observed so far. I carried him back to the hotel after our walk, and he seems to adore his new momma. All of the boys (David included) have been down for a nap for the last 90 minutes. I’m sure I’ll gain more perspective after we have more time as a family. One big thing I’ve noticed, though, is that all of our adopted children have been CLEAN. They like to wipe their hands, pick up their toys, and wash their faces. Fu KangChao also brushes his teeth like a pro. Unfortunately, it’s apparent that DangTong is going to have the same major dental issues that Ben had. Oh well, we know a great dentist. I’ll write more later.

April 9 2012

Wow! What a day we had yesterday

. I can’t even begin to describe all that happened, and the roller coaster of emotions experienced. We began the day at 4am, which is usual for us here in China. We did the normal morning things, and had breakfast at an amazing hotel buffet. At 8:30a, the guide met us in the lobby of the hotel to wait for the arrival of our son, Fu KangChao. A teacher from the orphanage brought him to us, and we tried not to overwhelm him. KangChao was delighted to meet his new daddy, and called out "Baba!" with a big smile. Our first impression was that he is smaller than we expected, smart as a whip, full of personality and had lots of energy. Fifteen minutes after meeting him, we had to walk to a photo kiosk to have an official photo taken of David, Sam and me for the adoption record. That only took a few minutes, but after we arrived back at the hotel, I realized that I left my purse at the photo kiosk (with our passports, credit cards, and money)! O h my Lord, what a panic attack we had then! With my heart thumping through my chest, the guide and I raced back to the photo kiosk, praying all the way. God was watching out for us, because my purse was still just sitting on the table where I left it. With that nightmare narrowly avoided, we took the kids back to the hotel room for a few hours to play and get to know each other. KangChao (Sam) talked nonstop to John, asking him questions about us and his life in America. It was obvious that the orphanage spent time preparing him for his adoption. Sam asked John if mom is a good cook, if we have bathrooms in America, and he asked why we don’t all speak Chinese. At noon, we went outside for a quick walk before we had to head out to the civil affairs office to complete the adoption registration. We did notice that KangChao drags his left foot a teeny, tiny bit, and that is probably why the Chinese doctors diagnosed him with Cerebral Palsy. By then, it was nearly 80 degrees outside, so David bought the three boys ice-cream from a street vendor, and then Sam told John that he wanted one of the bubble blowing machines on display. I told John to say no, because we know better than to immediately start buying KangChao (Sam) everything he asks for; we’ve found that is never a good way to start parenting a child. John kept telling him no, and Sam kept trying to drag John over to the kiosk that sells the bubbles. John said that he didn’t have any money. Sam asked John if Baba has money. John said that yes, Baba has money. Sam then began to beg David for the bubble machine. Too funny. We then headed back to the hotel and met our guide for the civil affairs appointment. On the way, Sam told John that we were going to an office to do paperwork for the adoption. Wow! I gave each of the boys a Gameboy DS to play with at the Civil Affairs office, and that kept them happily occupied for the entire appointment. Sam was happy to place his hand on the red ink pad and make his mark on the adoption papers. The woman at the Civil Affairs office completed the official "red book" and gave it to us immediately. The entire appointment took less than 30 minutes. It took two days to complete the same steps in Beijing in 2010. We then went to the police station to apply for Fu, KangChao’s passport. The guide had arranged for us to bypass all the lines, and we were immediately taken into a room for a passport photo. Again, we were in and out in record time. Onward and forward; we proceeded to the notary office to complete the final adoption step. You guessed it; done in fifteen minutes tops. With drive time, our entire adoption paperwork took 90 minutes. We spent five days in Beijing completing these same steps in 2010! At this juncture, I do want to mention the traffic and driving in China. If any one of our van drivers wanted to move to America and make it rich, he could easily become a professional race-car driver. I’d give odds a Chinese driver would win the Indy 500 while talking on his cell phone. With lightening fast reflexes and an aggressive, take-no-prisoners technique, our drivers earn my utmost admiration and a big kudos. I’ve been driving for 30 years and I would never attempt to navigate the traffic and driving conditions in China.

After the adoption paperwork was complete, we decided that naps would be a good idea

. KangChao happily joined Ben in bed, and we all slept for 90 minutes. At 5pm, the phone in our room rang; our guide told us that the orphanage director invited us to join her family to see a temple and have dinner. We had ten minutes to get dressed and downstairs! Oye. We were picked up by a different driver and taken to the lake/park, where we met the orphanage director and her family. Along with the orphanage entourage, there was a professional photographer photographing the event. Talk about pressure. It turns out that the orphanage director sort of fostered KangChao, taking him home to her house every night after work. When KangChao saw the director’s husband, he was ecstatic. KangChao threw himself at his Baba, and clung to his side during the hour tour of the temple. The temple is normally closed to visitors, according to our guide, but some strings were pulled and our group was given a private tour, with a tour guide and a professional photographer too! After the tour, we all headed to a five-star restaurant, where we were escorted to a private suite. I could write for hours about the elaborate meal, the wine/beer toasts, the fan-fare and the good intentions of the director. We were treated as guests of honor, and I know the whole event was supposed to be special. However, what was central to our family during dinner is that KangChao was obviously adored by the director’s husband, and vice-versa. After an hour of conversation (the guide acted as an interpreter), KangChao began to melt-down. He clung to the director’s husband, crying Baba, Baba, Baba, and he refused to be consoled. By the end of the dinner (which we cut short) KangChao was screaming uncontrollably. The teacher from the orphanage carried him to the van, and we headed back to the hotel with KangChao thrashing and wailing. David peeled him off the teacher upon arrival, and carried KangChao up to the room. Our guide joined us in the room, and we all spent fifteen minutes trying to calm KangChao down. We were all fighting tears ourselves, because we could feel KangChao shudder with grief. At that moment I was reminded that adoption is always about loss. We will be happy as a family, but our gain begins with KangChao’s loss.

When I asked one of the members of the dinner party (a girl, who was maybe 25 years old) why the director didn’t adopt KangChao herself, she told us that they (realized that she was the director’s daughter) only hosted KangChao for the past month

. They wanted him to learn how to be in a family, but they already had one child, and they couldn’t adopt him according to Chinese law. KangChao learned how to be in a family and form attachments, to be sure, but I think the trauma of that evening will forever haunt us all. Fortunately, we were able to calm his sobbing after fifteen minutes, with our guides help, and we all fell asleep rather quickly afterwards. By morning, things were looking brighter. That is, until KangChao began vomiting. Yes, the rich, expensive, elaborate dinner, came back up, time and time again. Even in the car on the way to pick up the notary papers. I’ve never been so proud of John though. Without batting an eye, John cleaned up KangChao, held his head in his lap, and just "took on" KangChao’s pain, grief, and stomachache. By 10:30am, we had our little sweet, playful, bright, little boy back. Again, I am amazed by the resilience of children and the power of God. We’ve been sitting in the Jinan airport for five hours now (our flight to Harbin has been delayed) and KangChao is nothing but delightful. He’s latched onto John, naturally, and he’s having a blast with Ben. He will be a handful, we can tell already. YES!! We have our son, Fu, KangChao---Sam KangChao Peters. Amen.

First day in Jinan

Once again I’m writing this blog at 4:00am. Let me see if I can get some thoughts down on paper before Ben wakes up for the day. Yesterday, Easter Sunday, began when Ben and I went down to the lobby in the wee hours of the morning. As I’ve said, Ben and I are NOT adjusting to the time change. At 6:00am, Ben and I roused David and John for breakfast. By 8:00am, we were in a taxi heading to the Temple of Heaven. The Temple of Heaven is actually an enormous park, with many temple buildings. I had no idea that it was so large; it seems to be as large as Central Park. We walked around for a few hours, admiring the Emperor’s Palace. What struck me as interesting today is that the things that used to offend my Western senses don’t bother me this trip. What I mean is, the Chinese people have customs that I dislike (spitting, smoking, squatty potties, babies’ butts showing with split pants etc.), but I just chalk them up to cultural differences and move forward. The babies’ exposed bottoms are now kind of cute, in their own way. And I really admire the way that elderly Chinese people exercise and play. In the Temple of Heaven park, there were literally thousands of senior citizens dancing, practicing Tai Chi, playing badminton, tennis, hacky sack, singing, flying kites, fan dancing, and just enjoying the outdoors and in their friends’ company. Older people sit in groups on the sidewalks playing chess, poker, and stretching their muscles. What a contrast to most of our senior citizens! My biggest impression at the Temple of Heaven was that Chinese people retire so that they can play all day, not so they can rest.

At 10:30am we were at the railway station to board the bullet train to Jinan. If you ever have to travel from Beijing to Jinan, I highly recommend the bullet train. Once out of Beijing, there are miles and miles and miles of farms. Although we don’t think of China as having lots of farmland, it makes sense given the population that they have to feed. The farms consisted of small fields of crops, interspersed with small orchards. There didn’t seem to be acres of one crop stretching for miles. In the fields, there were often big mounds of dirt with flowers on top. We can only guess that the mounds were actually burial places, since the decorating the graves holiday was this week. Once in awhile there were several mounds of dirt, in the middle of an agricultural field, with what appeared to be a tombstone marking the spot. ‘

Once we arrived in Jinan, at 2:30pm, we were met by our new guide, Missy. This guide is actually the first guide we’ve had that wanted to accompany us for our entire evening. Usually, we just tell the guide thanks for the ride, the smooth check-in at the hotel, and we’ll see you tomorrow for the government appointments. This guide, Missy, walked us to a park, walked us to a restaurant, sat with us while we ate big bowls of noodles, and walked us to the bookstore. We were able to purchase a set of DVDs for Ben of his favorite cartoon, and a few DVDs for John too. We tried to find Pokemon books for our friend’s daughter, but they were sold out. We also went to Walmart. That description I’ll leave for when we visit the next city and go to Walmart in Harbin. Just let it be know, that the Walmart in China is an experience that I won’t soon forget. At 8:00pm, we returned to our room to watch TV and settle in for the night. Originally, we were supposed to have family day with Sam on Easter, but it was rescheduled, for reasons I don’t understand, for April 9 (today) at 8:30am. So, in 3 hours we will finally meet Fu, KangChao!  I will, of course, write more about our meeting later today.

No sleep

It’s 3:20am, and I’ve completely given up on sleep. Time travel is always difficult for me, and my body will not accept a 12 hour time change. The four of us (soon to be 6!), are sharing a small hotel room, with two twin sized beds, which means I am sitting in the bathroom while writing this. I think that I ended my last ramblings with us being surrounded by waiting older children, many who have special needs, all begging me to help them find  a family. I’ll post photos later if/when I get back on the grid. Let me just say this: it’s tough knowing and seeing the need firsthand. Unfortunately, we can’t un-see what we’ve seen, and I even feel guilty for secretly wishing that we didn’t visit the orphanage. But I’ll move forward, and tell about John’s visit with his friends. After 30 minutes of observing John and his friends playing basketball (the older boys hogged the court), we decided that it was time to leave. Before we left, I did ask a teacher if he knew where one boy lives now, after his adoption. A friend of mine (via a yahoo group to which I belong) has been looking for this particular boy because he was his son’s best friend. I can’t believe I actually hit pay-dirt. The teacher went and retrieved the address and phone number in the U.S. of the adopted child. I can’t wait to tell the parents who are looking for their son’s friend!

As we were leaving, we decided to tell John to ask his three good friends to join us for lunch. The boys (who are all over 14) obtained a pass to leave the orphanage, and we jammed into the van and drove to a decent restaurant a few miles away. Our group of 9 (the four of us, John’s three friends, our guide, and our driver) proceeded to eat an elaborate meal in a private room. I won’t bore you with all the details, but there was only one dish ordered that made me literally gag. The lunch once again underscored, that John is, what the guide termed “a banana.” She said he has yellow skin, but he is American (white) inside now. John ordered beef, pork and lamb dishes that are familiar and easy to eat. The dish that I couldn’t fathom was ordered by John’s friend, and Ben, John and David and I all let it pass us by on the big (think lazy susan) wheel.

We then returned to the hotel and crashed for three hours. When we woke up, it was 5:30pm. I had a tough time getting anyone moving, but I knew that we’d be up all night if we slept much longer. We took a taxi to Tiananmen Square and walked around for a few hours. Poor John felt like a foreigner, I think. People here stare and stare at Americans, and now they were staring at John too. Ben doesn’t seem to notice or care. We returned to the hotel by 8pm, and just watched TV until bedtime. Ben has been over the moon excited to see his favorite cartoon program, “The Sheep and the Fox.” Early this morning, Ben told us that today was the best day of his life because he got to eat millet congee for breakfast and watch cartoons.  Ben told our guide (in Chinese) that he loved that particular show, and our guide laughed and laughed at Ben’s Chinese. In the afternoon, our guide asked Ben to repeat the name of the show for John’s friends and the driver to hear. Once again, everyone laughed at Ben’s accent. Ben was from a foster home in the country, and he learned to speak with a distinct accent, which we might equate with a southern drawl. No wonder Ben lost his ability to speak Chinese! All the proper Mandarin speakers thought he was a barrel of laughs. John has been particularly hard on Ben for not speaking Chinese while we are here. I had to point out to John that he spent the first 30 minutes struggling to speak proper Mandarin to his friends, and Ben spoke a dialect that made people laugh at him. Yes, this trip has not been a bed of roses, but it was important and enlightening. It’s 4:00am now, and Ben is now up for the day. I think I’ll take him down to the lobby with his game boy so that David and John can sleep for awhile more. At least they seem to be adapting to the time-change!

Today is April 7^th, 9:50pm, Chinese time. We woke up at 4:00am this morning, because of jet-lag. We spent the morning waiting for the breakfast buffet to open, and then spent the day at John’s orphanage. I can’t even begin to describe how depressing that was for me. First of all, John was beyond excited to visit. Fifteen minutes from the orphanage (which was an hour from our hotel by van), John commented that if the van let him out, he could run to the orphanage fast! He really felt like he could fly there on his own wings; he was that pumped up. Then, when we reached the gates of what looked like a federal prison, I think reality hit a little bit. We were escorted to the highly decorated community room to wait for John’s friends to arrive. A minute later, 5 or 6 younger boys arrived, ages 10-13,that John barely recognized. John didn’t even know what to say to them, and he seemed suddenly at a loss for words. John couldn’t seem to string a few words of Chinese together, and the boys didn’t look like they really knew or remembered John.  A few minutes later, three much older boys arrived. These boys did hug John, and he seemed genuinely pleased to see them too. However, there were many awkward moments when no one knew what to say. The boys didn’t understand English, and John kept reverting back to English and forgetting his Chinese. After ten minutes or so of awkwardness, John asked if they could go play basketball together. While he was gone, I asked about the remaining younger boys. There were a few boys who were ages 10-12, who were not invited to join the older boys for basketball. I took each of their photos, and told them maybe I could try to help them find families. One child, age 10, was particularly adorable. I asked the teacher if the child had a special need. The teacher said that he is healthy, smart, and a nice boy. Later, one of John’s friends said something similar. I wondered why such a healthy and cute boy would still be waiting for a family, but then I remembered that John was also waiting and waiting, and waiting. I don’t know if I can help him, but if anyone knows anyone who desires a darling little son, age 10, please let me know.

After sitting around the reception room for fifteen minutes, we decided to walk outside. I tried to take a few photos of the jail-like orphanage, but I was told there were no photos allowed of that area. Once outside of the community room, we were surrounded by children; most of the children had obvious special needs. Several children were dwarfs, several had repaired cleft-palates, and several children had other obvious disabilities. The news must have spread that I might be able to help these children find families, because they all greeted me with a bright “hello!” and then asked me to take their picture. One obviously bright and motive older girl spent her time trying out her English. She asked me my birthday (in English) and my name. Although she was too old to be adopted (over age 14), she kept introducing to other children, telling me to take the picture and find the child a family. Can I even begin to tell you how sad that makes me? In all, we met a few dozen children today, all over the age of 9, all hoping we can help them. One little nine year old girl (who has dwarfism), followed me around more than the others. She kept smiling, and trying to charm me into adopting her. I kept telling her, via a translator, that we have a houseful of boys, but I would tell people that she was so sweet and beautiful. We did meet one child who has been matched. She is going to have a family in the near future. I have more to write, since I only reported up until 11am, but I have to sign off now because it’s after 10pm and I have to help Ben clear out his lungs now. The pollution here, as you know, is incredible, and he’s having difficulty with his asthma. I have to up his medications, “cup” his back, etc. etc. Tomorrow we go to Jinan.

April 7, 2012

April 7, 2012

We arrived in China yesterday afternoon, two hours later than we were scheduled. The flight out of Chicago had a mechanical problem, and we sat on the tarmac for an hour before take-off, after a six hour layover in Chicago. The flight

s themselves were rather uneventful. About 3 hours before landing (it was a 14 hour flight) I suddenly got hot and felt sick, which had me worried, but then I was ok. John slept for 5-6 hours on the flight, and Ben slept for maybe three hours. David and I slept very little and arrived hot and tired. Our guide, Cindy, who is maybe 25 years old, escorted us to the van, and we rode 45 minutes to our hotel.  By then, we’d been traveling for 26 hours straight, so we just walked to a restaurant across from the hotel.  It was a Chinese fast food type restaurant, and John ordered four dishes for us that he thought might resemble the Chinese food we are accustomed to eating. In other words, we did not have eel, duck feet, or any other unusual or exciting dish. We ate quickly and returned to the hotel for an early bedtime. Of course, I was wide awake at 2:00am, and Ben woke up for the day at 3:00am. I put him in the bath at 4:00am, just to entertain him for awhile so that David and John could “sleep  in.” At 5:00am, after John woke up, I attempted to plug in the hot water pot provided by the hotel. This, in turn, tripped a circuit breaker. Poor Ben was in the dark in the bathroom in the tub, while I scrambled around trying to figure out what to do. David woke up , and using Ben’s game boy as a flash-light, he found the circuit box. Now, at 6:00am, we’ve lost power a dozen times this morning. I don’t know if it’s our particular hotel room, or if it’s a hotel-wide thing. We’re only here for one more night, so we’ll probably just suck it up and pretend we’re camping.

Today we are scheduled to go to John’s orphanage at 9:00am today. He’s excited to go see his friends. We were told yesterday that Ben’s orphanage will not let us visit, but we may try to go anyway. Ben was raised in a foster home for most of his life, and we would love to find out the name and address of the foster family so that we can send the family updates. We were hoping that if we visited the orphanage, we might be able to ascertain some information on the foster family. I’ll write more later;  so far I haven’t been able to access the internet much and this might not get posted on my blog.

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow we travel! It is just surreal. Sixteen months ago we completed our application to adopt, and finally the trip is upon us. I should be running around like- a- chicken- with- my- head- cut- off, but strangely, I'm not. I'm actually kind of bored. I must be forgetting something important. Or maybe there will be another last minute emergency that sends me scrambling. Hours before our flights in February, I was at the doctor's office having a cast put on Austin's broken arm. That's what I get when I'm feeling overly confident or serene. Ha!! So, today, I'm going to my taekwondo class, and then I'll drive Austin to his friend's house. The house-sitter should be able to hold down the fort, and all should be well. My next blog, I hope, will be from China. If my VPN works. Keep us in your prayers!