Saints we ain't

I posted a link to this blog on my facebook page, and so now everyone under the sun knows we're adopting again. I did have to clarify to my facebook "friends," that we definitely are NOT saints. Yes, we want to make a difference in the world, which is why we chose to adopt children with medical needs, but we also just really enjoy having a large family. The camaraderie, the laughing, the noise, the fun of a houseful of  boys is what makes us happy. I am extremely fortunate (PTL!) that I am a stay at home mom (with a housecleaner too!), so the work of a big family isn't too much for me. Yes, I sometimes get upset that things are always getting broken, but overall, a household of children brings us unlimited joy. We do spend a fair amount of time at various Dr. appointments, after adopting, but helping the children get healthy is rewarding too. Ben's mouth was so abscessed and infected that he could hardly eat when he first came home. He only weighed 29 lbs at age 6 1/2, and he was feverish from the infection. Here in the U.S we take oral hygiene for granted. Even our foster children had excellent dental care. Ben had constant mouth pain in China, but a quick trip to a U.S. hospital (we had all his dental work done under general anesthetic so that he wouldn't be traumatized) and he can eat again. Just not hard candy, because he has four crowns! Anyway, my point is that you don't need to be a saint to help orphan children. You can sponsor a child's education in a foreign country, pay for a child's operation (Love Without Boundaries), or donate bottles/wheelchairs to orphanages worldwide. Or adopt!

Older Children adoption

Twice this week I've come across (in my yahoo adoption groups) families who went to China to adopt an older child, and the child simply refused. Wow. I can't imagine the pain these families must feel. After a year and a half of waiting, all the paperwork, all the money, all the training and all the hoops, to get to China, then to have the child essentially reject you. That is a terrible situation for everyone. When we adopted John we didn't even know that he had the option to refuse to go with us, although we did ask him if he wanted to be adopted (through the translator). He said yes, of course, but he was so obviously frightened and nervous, I couldn't tell for sure what he really felt. But, what a nightmare situation for those who are attempting to adopt children who really don't want to be adopted.  And, at age 10, the age where the child has to sign for himself and agree to the adoption, the child can have no idea what kind of a horrible life he/she will have in China after aging out of the orphanage. Occasionally a child can stay in the orphanage as menial labor, but usually the orphan child lives a life of poverty or worse. Many of the children become beggars or prostitutes. The last name Fu (Fu, KangChao) means orphan, so it's not as if our child could quietly blend into Chinese society and get a job. Without family, in China, you are nothing but a bad omen. And looking at how amazingly far John has come in less than 2 years, I can't help but think what a waste it would be to the world if John was left to live on the streets. Almost 2 years later, I realize how blessed we are to have our son John. He could've said, "No." He chose us to be his family. The thought still boggles my mind.

Money

Money, as you probably know, is a big part of the adoption process. Most people don't have an extra $25,000 sitting around. We don't either. Lots of adoptive families have fund-raising pages and hold events in order to raise the funds. Now that we are just waiting for our article 5 and Travel Approval, I'm starting to worry about the orphanage donations. Yes, donations is the word they use, although the fees are mandatory. Last week I took my wedding ring set (from my late-husband) to be appraised so that I can list it for sale on Craigslist. Ken died almost 10 years ago, the ring just sits in a drawer, and we need the money for the adoptions. We also rented our cottage out over the 4th of July holiday, when we have always reserved that week for ourselves.I am hoping that little extra income from the cottage rental will make a dent in the bills.But we actually HAVE a cottage, so fund-raising isn't something I'd feel comfortable doing. We can always take out a home equity loan, if we have to, so I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. I'm not. I'm just saying that adoption really is expensive. Recently, I activated the adsense google ads on this blog, but so far that has not generated a single dollar. Yesterday, I called Royal Caribbean to see if we could cancel our cruise (Feb. break) and get a refund on our credit card. Nope. We will lose $3,000 if we cancel now, plus the price of the airline tickets. I booked the cruise last year, thinking we'd have the boys home by now. Instead, it looks like we will be going on a very expensive vacation, only 6 weeks before going to China. Not a good way to manage money. If we were two weeks earlier with all our documents we could've gone to China in February, and not the cruise, but Elizabeth thinks we'll need at least three weeks to receive travel approval, since we're adopting two children. Our article 5 will be picked up Feb. 1st.That means we should get travel approval mid-to late February, while we are on the cruise probably. Oh well, this too shall pass, and years from now we will look back and remember fondly. Money isn't what we remember, when we look back. Once again I have to remember that my plan is not His plan. On a positive side, I spoke to Elizabeth at our agency for 45 minutes last night. She assured me that the travel agency will somehow be able to get us rooms in Guangzhou during the trade show. The rooms show sold out (or triple the price) online, but the agency always holds a few rooms just for adoptive families. She said the last time they had serious trouble during the trade show was 2003, and then they simply housed the family in the suburbs an hour away. I wanted to stay in the Holiday Inn Shifu, but beggars can't be choosers. What this means is we have tentative dates now. We can we travel to Harbin April 7th, begin the adoption of Dang, Tong (Leo) April 9th, fly to Jinan April 11th, adopt Fu, KangChao (Sam) that week, fly to Guangzhou April 13, have our medical appointment etc. and our consulate appointment on April 19...home April 20-21. Whew. Got all that? Looks like today I'll be looking at flights!

Trip dates--foiled again. And Article 5 should be picked up Feb 1st

If you've followed this blog from the beginning, you know that originally we hoped to travel in December (last month). We need to travel during a school break so that John can come with us and not miss more than a week of school. Yes, I know, the trip is educational etc.etc. , and for some kids missing school for a trip to China would be ok. But John is in 9th grade this year, he has only been speaking English for 18 months, and missing even one day is tough for him. Well, obviously we didn't get to travel in December. The next long break John has is Easter break in April. So last night I was emailing our agency about traveling during Easter break, and that too looks to be problematic!!  The Chinese holiday (sweeping out the tombs) is either April 2-4 or 4-6. The actual holiday is the 4th, but we are not sure when the government offices will actually close. If we travel that week, we might not be able to complete the paperwork needed due to closures.  In addition, the second week in April is when Guangzhou has a huge trade show. All the hotels show sold out. I spent hours online looking at hotel options, and even held two rooms at the Holiday Inn Shifu April 6-14, just in case we manage to coordinate our travel for those dates. So....if we can't make April work, we will need to stall our paperwork and plan on traveling in June, after school lets out. I hate to make our kiddos wait any longer though. Somehow, this will all work out. Again, I need to remember that this is all God's work and He is in control. Oh yes, I also found out that our article 5 will be ready for pick up Feb. 1st.

Over a YEAR now

I began this blog just about a year ago, a month after we submitted our application to adopt again. I'll be cliche and say, boy does time fly. Yes, sometimes I get frustrated that our adoption is taking a lot longer than I anticipated. Sometimes I see blogs that feature families who have adopted 6 children from China within 18 months (I'm NOT kidding or exaggerating) and I wonder why our process drags out. But then I remember that I'm not in control, for a reason. I remember that my timing and my agenda are not the focus of our adoptions, our children are. The timing will work out for the best. I do have faith; I just have to keep reminding myself! It's been almost two years since our adoptions of John and Ben, and I continue to be amazed at their progress. John has recently started a translation business. Actually, it's much more than that. He does not just translate letters (English to Chinese) for parents of children who are waiting, he also composes reassuring individual letters to children written from his own perspective. I'm just bursting with pride! Yesterday, John watched the video of a 12 year old girl (her parents emailed it to us) at least 5 times before writing her a letter. In the letter John recounted his own fears about adoption, and reassured the little sweetie that she would be well-loved by her new parents. It's amazing to me, this work that he's doing. I  think it's therapeutic for him too. Next week, we hope to create a movie of John speaking directly to waiting older children, answering their questions and alleviating their fears. Parents will be able to purchase the DVD and send it to their waiting child. John even built a website for his business, although it's a bit rough still! Yes, I am a proud, proud mom. http://adoptionletterstranslate.angelfire.com/index.html

Bragging rights--or not!!

One big thing I've learned as a parent of many years (our oldest is almost 29) is that I can't take credit (or blame) for how these kiddos actually turn out. I do my best, to be sure, but they are each individuals, and they make their own choices, and, really, they each had their own personalities from the day they were born!! My oldest, Leah, was colicky and difficult from day one. She was also amazingly brilliant. She skipped school for 1/2 her senior year and barely graduated, although she scored 100% on all her regents exams and a 1500 on the SAT, without any prep classes or effort. She eventually married a tattoo artist and lives a nomadic lifestyle in Arizona. She's happy. I should be happy. Or so my husband tells me. My second daughter wasn't brilliant, but she was fun and personable. Her biggest goal was to marry well, have fun, and not work any harder than absolutely necessary. She's succeeded. I should be happy. She's happy. I guess I'm happy. Our son, age 16, is just like me. Highly driven, almost obsessive, and a straight A student at an all-boys college prep-school. He runs 45 miles a week, minimum, wearing a 14lb weight vest. Yep. A chip off the ole' block. He's been buying and selling study guides, school supplies and contra-band-soda at school, and has now branched into an ebay business. He found an eraser on the floor in 7th grade, sold and traded all day,and came home with $25. He will do fine, with whatever he pursues. John, adopted at age almost 14, has more spit and vinegar than them all.!! This is a good trait in our house!  He spent the first 18 months fighting me, since he spent a life-time fighting for survival, and then he decided to get my help to start a business of his own. It's all good. Really. He's recently launched his letter writing and translation business, and I swear I spend 2 hours to his 1 coordinating his contacts. He is also writing a book about living in China and being an orphan. He's going to be rich someday.  John is simply amazing, and we're all very happy for him. Connor has been our "highly gifted" prodigy since infancy, and I home-schooled him for several years because he was so advanced. He's been working for a few months on his Itunes game App, to be launched next month. He took a John Hopkins University class a few years ago (age 10) in computer programming, and has been crazy about all that stuff since. Connor is a lot like Sheldon, on the "Big Bang Theory." Highly annoying, at times, and not always aware of normal conventions. Connor will either succeed, or just be weird. We love him just the same. Honestly, he brings creativity to our inside the box thinkers. Connor is a builder too. I took him to the lumber store, yet again, and yet again spent $100 on "stuff." I overhead the guy helping Connor ask, "What school do you go to? I like the way you think!"
Ben is just adorable,overall. Adopted at age 6 1/2, Ben is as smart as a whip, but he struggles to learn. We recently found out that Ben is dyslexic, which makes perfect sense. Hooray! Now we are empowered and we can get the help he needs. Ben is charming, outgoing and delightful, although he does have a temper at times. What will Ben do? What will he become? I can't wait to find out. All I can do is love them all, give them guidance, take them to church (even when they don't want to go) and PRAY TO GOD that they will be happy. Be happy my children. We love you all, so, so much.

Top Ten Things I've Learned as a Parent--REVISED

10. Both eye-rolling and fart noises are universally understood.
9. All kids believe their friends have it better. In the adoption circles, this is, "Mommy shopping."
8.  Siblings fight. I don't know why and nothing I can do will prevent it.
7.Kids are not grateful. Not foreign exchange-students, not foster children, not adopted children and not bio children. Get over it.
6. Block all international telephone calling. (We had a $700 phone bill from hotel in Guangzhou)
5. Internet must be 100% monitored AT ALL TIMES. Kids easily bypass all kidsafe software
4. All teens want to sleep all day and stay up all night. I still refuse to accept this one.
3. Kids want you to show them affection, just not in public. A pat on the head works wonders
2. 80% of parenting a is just being there, 100% of the time.
1. Sharing a weekly activity together goes a long way in building relationships. I run 5k races with them, take martial arts with them, and attend every game/event.
1. I  do the best that I can, but my children have their own free will and eventually make their own decisions. I cannot take credit or blame; they are all individuals.I need to be happy that they are happy.