It's the Little Things

The longer I parent, the more I realize that it is usually the little things that make the biggest difference in our children's lives. For instance, last week David took John (just John) to go open up a savings account at the bank. Now that he has a little bit of money coming in from his Chinese/English translation business (he's earned $110 so far), we thought it was an appropriate time to teach John how to make deposits at a bank, and balance a bank register. Then yesterday, John's ATM card arrived in the mail. For almost 45 minutes David and I worked with John on his cursive, so that he can sign the back of his card appropriately. Signing your name seems like such a little thing, but to John it was an enormous task to be mastered. What really struck me though, is that this little thing is vitally important to our son's future. He will never have to sign documents with an X, because he is now literate. And boy was John happy when he finally learned how to "sign" his name in cursive, on his very own ATM card!! His own money, his own bankbook, and his first debit card....WOW!

Cold, cold winter!

While this winter has been exceptionally warm here in upstate NY., I can't help but think about how cold it is in Heilongjiang Province, where Leo currently lives. With limited heat. There is a photo in the book Kids Like Me in Chinahttp://www.amazon.com/Kids-Like-China-Brian-Boyd/dp/0963847260 of little children all bundled up, all huddled around a small space heater. In the colder orphanages, children are bundled in so many layers that they actually lose muscle tone. Think of Ralphy in the movie A Christmas Story, bundled up so tightly that he can't walk. Central air and heat is a luxury that the Daqing orphanage simply can't afford. Stay warm little Leo, we're coming to get you soon!

Shoes!

Today I hit a big sale today at a shoe store! Shoes were on clearance, and then there was a buy one pair get the second pair for half price. Everyone who knows me knows that I HATE to shop, but even I can get excited when I get things are deeply discounted. I don't know the boys' shoe sizes, so I bought several pairs of different shoes in several different sizes. In all, I bought 6 pairs of shoes for only $35!! I'm asking for updates on the boys' sizes before we travel, and I'll pack the shoes that might fit. Three pairs of sneakers are Marvel Hero light-up sneakers! Little boys just love light-up sneakers! I can't wait to see them on their little feet!

Changed my mind

I changed my mind and just reset my blog to "public." Yes, there are anti-adoption groups that have been making me the target of nasty accusations (that we adopted John so that we can make him earn money for us!), but today I decided the heck with them.  I've realized that by making my blog private, I was letting the idiots of the world censor my voice. Again, the Heck with them!!  The anti-adoption factions clearly have NO CLUE what life in an orphanage is like for these waiting children. John has told us horror story, after horror story. His life was filled with trauma, and he's writing a book to share his story with the world. Adoption isn't the solution to poverty, I know, but our adoptions have brought happiness and health to our children and our family. So there!!! On another note, I have a meeting with Ben's teachers today so that we can get his Individualized Education Plan (IEP) in place for next year. Hooray! Ben is receiving the best education possible, and he will also receive extra reading help and extra test-taking time when needed. I am just thrilled!!

Strategies for parenting

An online friend of mine asked me what I do to keep my sanity when things are tough with the kids. She just adopted two little ones, and things are not always easy. I sent her this reply, and I thought it would make a good post. When we first adopted, anytime I even hinted that things weren't all butterflies and lollipops, people would immediately suggest that our adoptions were a mistake. I can complain all day about our bio 16 year old, and my friends and family will commiserate, but I don't dare say anything negative about our adopted 15 year old. And, for the record, John was difficult to like the first few months. We loved him, of course, but until he unlearned his orphanage behaviors, and relearned family behaviors, it was hard to like his behavior. John was a big bully and just not nice the first few months. 
 I don't know if this will help, but I'll tell you some of the strategies I used to stay sane when we had the four (very, very demanding) foster children (ages 2, 3, 5 & 8), plus a foreign exchange student, our 2 bio sons who were 10 and 13, and a surprise 11 puppies. The puppies nearly did me in because I had to get up to feed them every two hours...the mother was just spent and couldn't nurse them.
Every day, I'd sit on the rowing machine or run on the treadmill for the minimum of one hour. These exercise machines are in our recreation room (basement) and the kids are in there with me playing, whining, fighting, watching TV or whatever. But I had my ear-buds in my ears, and I CAN'T HEAR YOU! If I had to get off the machine to intercede (fighting), then I added another 15 minutes onto the time I had previously allotted. The timer sits on the shelf, showing the little ones how much longer I was going to exercise. In the summer, once a week my mother in law would come over. She would watch the kids on the swings while just I drove the riding lawn mower for an hour. Again, I CAN'T HEAR YOU. My mother in law would wave to me if I really needed to intercede, but for the most part she could just ignore the crying and whining because she knew I'd be done in an hour. And she was a fresh face, who hadn't been listening to the whining all week. After I was widowed (with four children at home) I would take the kids to the school track, with balls and squirt guns etc., and run around them as they played in the grassy center. If they wanted to talk to me or be WITH me, they had to run with me. My 16 year old is now ranked nationally as a runner, and our 13 year old ran a 15k (9.3 mile!) race when he was only 9. So they did eventually learn to run with me to get my attention, and we still run together regularly (although everyone but Ben can beat me now). I also ran with the 6 & 3 year olds in a double stroller. Again, ear-buds blocked out their fighting. We ran 3 miles to a park, I got them out to play, and then 3 miles home. 90 minutes of sanity a day. For me, everyone was better behaved when we weren't in the house all day. We did an excursion of some sort every day. We rotated playgrounds etc. Several moms take kickboxing and  taekwondo with me every day 12-2p. Their little ones go in the playroom with their leapsters, the older ones can read, and we moms take an hour  or two for ourselves. I also sit in the hot-tub with my husband every night. All children must be in their rooms by 8:30pm---or else you're going to be really embarrassed when you see your mom naked. The teens can read or do homework, but no one is to come downstairs after 8:30pm.  Once a week, our kids have a sparring class (taekwondo) that lasts until 7:30pm. My hubby and I sit in a local tavern and simply catch-up with each other. We cherish our "date-nights," even though they only last an hour or so. At least we get out, alone, once a week!
We have a behavior chart on a white board, and every morning when the kids do what they are supposed to do without fuss (up on time, breakfast, teeth, dressed, practice guitar at 6:30am-7:00am) then they get a mark on the good side of the chart. If they fight, complain, or oversleep, they get a mark on the bad side of the chart. On Sunday nights, if the child has 5 MORE good things then bad things, he gets $5 allowance. If they have 5 more bad than good, he owes me an extra job, such as cleaning the garage. Every child does his own laundry. The only laundry I do is my own and sheets. Each child has a hook on the back of his door with his towel. I'm sure the laundry isn't sorted or folded nicely, but I don't care. It works for me! And, I'll admit it, drinking wine helps too!

Changes and sacrifices

Today we went skiing again. The conditions haven't been great this year, but it is still one activity that we can all enjoy together, no matter how old. Ben continues to amaze us with his progress. Sickly and weak a year ago, he is now fearlessly tearing up the ski hill. This spring he is also going to compete in Taekwondo. The state championship tournaments are held Feb-May, and the Junior Olympics is in June.The "big boys" competed all over the nation last year, and Ben wants to be just like his big brothers. However, this will be the last year that any of us be on the competition team, because of finances. Six boys in private school will take its toll on our budget. And I really won't be able to leave the two little guys at home in order to travel with the big boys. What I found great, is that when I mentioned to the boys (quite casually) that we wouldn't be able to afford all the travel involved in competing next year, they were completely ok with NOT competing. Connor went as far as to say that we "Do too much. Really. Just too much. We SHOULD cut back on things." In fact, both John and Connor also offered to discontinue guitar lessons, if our budget gets too tight. Here I thought they would be absolutely devastated to give up competitive martial arts, and they both said they would be just as happy to do school sports in the future (that are mostly free)! Austin competes in three school sports, and he's happy, so I don't know why I'm surprised. I am just thrilled that none of the kids even implied that if we had a smaller family we wouldn't have to worry about money. They are all looking forward to having more little guys in the house....EVEN AUSTIN. God is good.

The best post ever!

I just read the best post ever!! I can't even compare, so I'll just link it here. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html