Pole-vault and Football

 Last year I started suggesting to the track coach (and to Austin) that Austin should learn how to pole-vault. Yes, Austin is a fabulous runner, but I wanted him to branch out a little. I know that my knees are wrecked from years of running, and I thought that a field event would be a great addition to Austin's resume. And Austin has a super strong upper body, and he's light. I mean, the kid can do a standing back flip like it's nothing, so I thought that he could probably throw himself up in the air and over a pole. Luckily, this year a pole-vaulter Mcquaid alumni was available to work with the boys that wanted to try the pole-vault, and Austin was able to try it a few times in practice. Then Friday night an amazing thing happened. It was the last indoor track meet of the season, and Austin was given the chance to pole-vault, instead of running. Wow! Using only half the pole, and taking only 3 steps, Austin cleared heights that others cleared using the whole pole and 6 steps. By the end of the meet, Austin was tied for 12th place in Class A Section V! He ended up vaulting 18 times and cleared a 10foot pole! Everyone was so excited---especially me!! The coaches all hugged me and were just ecstatic.On the way home from the meet Austin THANKED ME! He actually told me that he's happy that I pushed him into vaulting, and that I do know what's best for him. Wow again. I guess that is another thing that makes our sons different from our daughters. Our sons know that I am there to support them; I am not at their sporting events just to embarrass them. In fact, maybe I get along so well with our sons because I totally appreciate the blood, sweat and tears of their sports. And I can't even count the number of times our boys "ran me in" the last mile or two of a grueling race, encouraging me every step of the way. The shared pain and joy of athletics brings us together. Anyway, I was one proud momma at the track meet! Then to top off the fabulous weekend, yesterday was SUPERBOWL SUNDAY, which is practically a national holiday. Gathering around the TV with the requisite junk food has never been so much fun!! This year we actually have an antenna so that we could watch the game at home! Connor made chicken quesadillas, John made pizza bagels and Ben made popcorn. Everyone gathered in Austin's room (it was the only place we could get a strong enough signal to get the station) and enjoyed an exciting game. The boys picked on me mercilessly when I showed my ignorance, and I enjoyed the festive occasion too. Yes, having a houseful of boys is a ton of fun.

Donations

Today I spent most of the day writing and mailing letters requesting donations for Leo's orphanage. As I mentioned before, Daqing (where Leo) lives is COLD, COLD, COLD! The children are bundled up so tightly that they actually lose muscle tone. Sam's orphanage (actually called Social Welfare Institute) is a new building, and it seems to be well-funded. Anyway, I created a facebook group, and an online donation page. If you can make a donation, please go to http://www.giveforward.com/orphanagedonations
Thanks! And keep us in your prayers as we take this leap of faith!

Do You Want to be Adopted?

As you probably know, John has been helping families write/translate letters to their older child to reassure their fears. John remembers how scared he was of flying on an airplane, for instance, and he knows what it is like to leave behind his friends and his country to bravely join our family. Agreeing to join our family was an enormous leap of faith for John; just as enormous a leap as our deciding to adopt. God is good though, and our adoptions have been great. So great that we're doing it again. But I thought I'd re-post this article below.
  Heidi Wallace from WACAP posted this, and I am quoting her directly:

Looking at Children’s Responses

The Million Dollar Question: “Do you want to be adopted?”

In some countries including China, children who are older must give permission to be adopted. Either during the adoption process or before it begins, children are asked, “Do you want to be adopted?” Families often feel reassured to learn that the child has answered “yes.” And the vast majority of children do.

The question, “Do you want to be adopted?” seems simple, but in reality is very complicated. Over WACAP’s years working in adoption, both internationally and domestically, we have learned what makes this simple question more complex. Let’s look at what this “yes” can mean:

1.      I don’t know what adoption is, but all the adults around me think it is a good thing, so okay.

2.      I will get in trouble or I will upset the adults around me if I say “no.”

3.      It will be really embarrassing if I say “no.”

4.      I always do what the caregivers at the orphanage say, and this is the orphanage director asking me, so I should say okay.

5.      I am just a kid and nobody ever asks me anything. Everyone around me is nodding, so I should say yes.

6.      I have seen other children in the orphanage be adopted and other kids all say they want to be adopted, so maybe it’s a good thing to be like other kids.

7.      My foster parents say I have to go back to the orphanage soon since I am costing them a lot. Maybe this adoption idea is better.

8.      My foster parents said I can leave and make a lot of money in America and then come back and help them out.

9.      This one kid came back to the orphanage with his new family and he was wearing nice clothes and gave everyone candy, so that looks good to me.

10.   Adoption is like moving to a new orphanage, right?

11.   Everyone knows that in America, everyone is rich and kids get all the video games they want, so going to America sounds good to me.

12.   I can come back if I don’t like it.

With all that informs a child’s response, the news that a child has said “yes” to adoption needs to be understood as having little meaning. The affirmative answer is not in any way a reliable predictor of a child’s ability to adapt to a new family.

Adoption is a huge concept for a child. Maybe the million dollar question should be phrased as, “Do you want to leave everyone you know to go live with strangers, who won’t understand a word you say, who eat different food, who live in a new place where you will have to start over in school, knowing you’ll never come back here again but where, of course, in the long run you will be a lot better off?” How would you answer that question?

Kids simply can’t grasp the magnitude of the changes they will experience. They can’t suddenly acquire knowledge of what life in a family is like when they have never experienced family life. Neither can they suddenly acquire the skill to actually assess their own ability to make cultural adjustments and learn a language.

It is important that families understand what can shape a child’s answer to the question “Do you want to be adopted?” and what “yes” may really convey.

Boys

I've had a few people ask me lately how I feel being surrounded by boys and men. Our house must be testosterone city, they say. Wouldn't I like to adopt a girl this time? NO WAY!! First of all, I have two daughters (ages 28 and 21), and parenting them was NOT FUN. I simply have no tolerance for drama. In fact, I don't even "get" the constant need to create a crisis over every little thing. Our boys fight regularly, and then it's over and done. I am also extremely direct and honest, and I was constantly hurting my daughters' feelings. Do you think these pants make me look fat? Yes, as a matter of fact they do. Maybe you should cut back on the carbs. Our boys seem to appreciate that mom won't lie to them, just to spare their feelings. When I tell them they performed beautifully in a competition (martial arts), they know I am not just trying to make them feel good. I am just not that kind of a mom. In fact, when David first met me (I was a widow), he said that one of the things that he found attractive is that I am not a "namby-pamby" mom. We were at Holiday Valley Ski resort, and I was telling the kids, "Meet me at 3:00. And  I mean 3:00, not 3:05 or 3:10. Now, tell me, what time are we going to meet?" The only bad thing about having a house full of boys is that I am the only one who is disgusted when, inevitably, someone at the dinner table passes gas. Everyone else in the house finds anything related to flatulence highly amusing. Even the word flatulence, or fart, will send them into hysterics.  I've learned to just ignore it. Boys will be boys.

Honeoye Falls? Consulate email

I noticed that someone who reads our blog is from Honeoye Falls. We live in Geneseo, and our kids attend school in Lima, so I'm just curious if I know you? Leave a comment or send me a note, if you get time. On another note, I received an email today that our Article 5 letter was picked up yesterday, and we are now only waiting for our Travel Approval!!! This final document (TA) is the last, of many, steps in the adoption process. Once we have TA, we can book our flights and hotels. Of course, with the way the timing works, it looks like we'll be on our cruise when we receive TA. I'll probably be paying for the slow and high priced internet on the ship, just to check my email everyday. Ugh. At least we know that we'll have TA several months before we plan on traveling. Last time, in 2010, we received our TA and traveled only a few weeks later! We could travel in March, as I've said before, but we need to wait until a school break so that John only misses one week of school instead of two. Switching gears once again, I read a blog today posted by a family who is in Harbin (where little Leo lives) right now! They said it's -20F there, and they are just cold to the bone, although they do have central heat in their hotel. Brrrr. At least we know that Leo will be used to snow and ice!

Falling into Place!

Several things have fallen into place this week!! I just hope they stay in place! The first thing that happened is that we found a great Chinese language immersion program for Austin to attend this summer.  Austin wants to go to China again, just not on our adoption trip because he can't miss two weeks of school. Austin spent 4 weeks in China (with our former exchange-student's family) when he was 13 years old, but he didn't learn enough of the language then because Xiao spoke to him in English all the time. Hopefully, this time Austin will be at least conversational in Mandarin when he returns home.I am certain that this experience will be life-changing for him. The other thing that happened is that I was finally able to solidify plans for Connor while we are gone. We have found a young woman who will stay at the house to watch Connor and the dogs. Hooray! She was recommended by the pastoral associate of our church, and we can rest easy now. Now, all we need to do is a million other things before our trip! Luckily, this type A mom can be like a hurricane if necessary. Only two more months now, and our family will grow to 8!! Yipee!

It's the Little Things

The longer I parent, the more I realize that it is usually the little things that make the biggest difference in our children's lives. For instance, last week David took John (just John) to go open up a savings account at the bank. Now that he has a little bit of money coming in from his Chinese/English translation business (he's earned $110 so far), we thought it was an appropriate time to teach John how to make deposits at a bank, and balance a bank register. Then yesterday, John's ATM card arrived in the mail. For almost 45 minutes David and I worked with John on his cursive, so that he can sign the back of his card appropriately. Signing your name seems like such a little thing, but to John it was an enormous task to be mastered. What really struck me though, is that this little thing is vitally important to our son's future. He will never have to sign documents with an X, because he is now literate. And boy was John happy when he finally learned how to "sign" his name in cursive, on his very own ATM card!! His own money, his own bankbook, and his first debit card....WOW!