Still Loving Summer

I can't believe it's almost mid-July! This amazingly hot summer is just flying by! We're loving life and loving the summer weather, although our gardens and grass would prefer more rain. The kids' summer reading program started last week, and that has been working out great. Monday-Thursday four of the boys (John, Ben, Sam and Leo) work with a tutor (a graduate student in the SUNY Geneseo Literacy program) for 90 minutes. That gives me 90 minutes to run on the track next to the school. Of course, now I'm incredibly sore too. We're hoping the reading program will prepare both Leo and Sam for school  ( a local

Christian School) in the fall.

After reading, we come home, eat lunch and take naps. Then off to taekwondo lessons (for me) 1-2pm, followed by swimming lessons for the 3 little boys 2:30-3:30, and then taekwondo for the rest of the boys 4:30-6pm. We sit down as a family for dinner by 6:30pm, and watch a family movie until bedtime. On the weekends we usually invite another family over to roast marshmallows around a bonfire. Sound boring? Probably to most people. But I can't think of a better life for us. The kids have been getting along wonderfully, and we feel blessed.

My sentiments EXACTLY!

Once again, another adoptive mom was able to put into words my exact feelings. I'll simply post the link here and hope you take the time to READ IT to the end!

I Want to Help Them but....

Our adoption agency posted the question, Is being an older parent easier? I would say DEFINITELY.  As an "older" parent, I finally, finally, finally understand that almost every time I leap in to HELP my children, I am doing them a disservice. I really love to help. I will tie my kiddos shoes until they are twelve, if they would let me. I do not want my kids to ever feel discomfort, distress or hardship.I want to solve all their problems, help with their homework and make their lunches. Now, as an older parent, I know that every time I rush to their side to help them, I am telling my children that I don't think they can do it without me. I am NOT helping. I am merely making myself feel important and needed. That is not good parenting, in my mind. So I changed the way I do things.
When we first adopted the two little guys, for instance, I gently put on their coats, zipped them, carried them to the van,lifted them into the van, placed them in their carseats, and buckled them in place. The experienced mother in me, however, only allowed this total dependence for a week or so, in the name of bonding. Or maybe I'm just not that patient anymore, and I couldn't stand to spend 15 minutes getting everyone into the van. By week two, I would hold their hands and walk them to the car, wait while they climbed into the vehicle and sat in their seats, and then I gently buckled them. By week three, I was teaching them how to buckle themselves into the seat. Whenever they buckled themselves in, they received high-fives from all the passengers! Now,two months after the adoptions, I say, "Come on!! Let's go!" and I fully expect all the children to get their own shoes on, and their own butts in their seats (buckled) in 30 seconds flat.
I am proud when the director of the swimming pool thinks my 13 year old son is 16. "Not because of how he looks, but he just seems so mature and independent." Yesterday, I dropped our 16 year old son off at the grocery store (with a list) while I took the littles to swimming lessons. I picked him up 45 minutes later, and our grocery shopping is done! Of course, he made a few mistakes, bought the wrong brands sometimes, and didn't use coupons. Next time, he will do it better. I will not be the parent who sends her children off to college not knowing how to do their own laundry!! I like to do laundry, usually, but I wash linens at our rental cottage each week. Everyone over 9 years old does their own laundry. It's not sorted, but who cares anyway. Really. Everyone over the age of 10 knows how to cook on the grill and use a cordless drill. I hold my breathe every time I want to HELP, and I let them struggle for a count of 60. Tears of frustration bring smiles of joy when the task is mastered. Repeat after me...My helping tells them I don't think they can do the task. I am taking anyway from them every time I leap in to solve their problems.

Camp Mom? Not me!

Summer is here and it's been hot, hot, hot! Our kids get out of school the first week of June, so we've had over a month off already. What I find interesting is that I realized that I am again the exception to the norm. I'm reading lots of blogs talking about the kids driving the moms crazy by now, and I just don't feel that way. I find articles on how to get the kids away from the TV this summer and learn how to play outside again, like this one and I find blogs on the same topic.I love this blog! But I don't get it. We have five boys home, and I'm missing number six (Austin, who is in Asia all summer). Maybe because we have Connor.Connor who spends a whole day trying to design a parachute that will lift him off the ground when he runs down our back yard hill. In general, Connor spends unbelievable amounts of time building things, or taking things apart, and he gets the other kids to "help." Last week he researched and built a ballista (a type of catapult). Connor found a come-along in the garage and decided he needed to use it to build something.First, he had to fix it, since it was broken. Then he had to find enough scrap wood for the project. Overall, it took at least a week to build the ballista, and Connor can now launch big sticks a few hundred feet. Then he built a workbench in the garage. I did have to buy two 2 x 4's for that project, but it was worth it in the end. The other day, Connor had friends over for the day, and I handed out the cordless drill and suggested that it was time to disassemble the rotting wooden play structure and burn it. That project kept seven (the friends too) busy all day! Yes, the fire was a bit HOT, but the bucket brigade was ready. I guess I'm just lucky that I don't need to research ways to leave the technology behind  because we have so little technology here. We can't get TV stations unless we move the TV into Austin's room, and spend hours with the rabbit ears and tin foil. We did this for the Superbowl. We only have internet on one laptop, and we get it by plugging in a cell phone device. We just don't have video games or handheld games, or any of that technie stuff. I'm not judging those that do; it's a choice we made and we are happy with our life. We do have a ton of books, and 12 acres of fields/woods/streams/ponds.We mow six acres of grass and have a level playing area for football, Frisbee,soccer games etc. We have a trampoline, and a 1/4 mile long paved driveway for bikes/scooters/basketball/skates etc. Also, I purchased a 14' put together pool from Walmart, which has been worth every dollar.So..if the kids bicker, I have a set of index cards with chores listed on them. Draw your punishment,kiddo. If they whine, draw again. If they come into the house when they should be outside, draw once more. I can have the cleanest house in town,or the kids can go play nicely--outside. I simply feel no need to organize a day camp for our children. I admire those mothers who organize their kids' summer, but I am just not going to feel pressured into trying to entertain the kids all summer. They need to entertain themselves or I'll find them jobs to do. But, I do not wish they were back in school. I'm happy they have the summer to just play outside! I take them to pick berries sometimes, and to their various lessons (swimming, taekwondo, guitar). We all nap everyday. We get up early everyday (even the teens must be up by 8:30) to run, and we have a bonfire or a family movie every night. I LOVE SUMMER!

Staying home

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am NOT a homebody. I like to be on the GO, GO, GO! I plan months in advance, and we usually go to friends' houses or entertain at our house every weekend. Although I love our home, I'm a type A++ personality and thrive on exercise, activities and lots of stimulation. (This is probably why I still don't know how to work a remote control). However, when you adopt older children, we have found that it's important to just stay home. A lot. Staying home, even when the kids seem to be adjusting well, goes against my normal inclinations;but we believe that it's the most important thing we can do to help our children adjust. Our new little guys still don't know our extended family, and they get confused/stressed when we have a bunch of people over. They get super stressed when we upset their normal routine. For example, every single day, at least 100 times a day, the little guys ask about what we are going to do today and tomorrow. " Eat lunch, and little sleep today?"  "Baba working?" "Connor and John running?" "Swimming lessons?" "Today, taekwondo?" It's readily apparent that routines are what make them feel secure. Makes sense to me. If my life was suddenly completely out of whack (if I were to be kidnapped by very nice aliens, and forced to live on a very nice planet, called Mars), I might feel better knowing that every day followed a specific pattern.
 And I might be confused meeting a bunch of people too. We decided not to attend any of the 4th of July celebrations/parties for this specific reason. The Independence Holiday is a BIG deal on Conesus Lake, and we've had to decline a bunch of invitations so that we can stay home and just vegetate. Maybe we'll roast marshmallows or watch a movie, but big crowds are out of the question this year. It's just too confusing for Sam and Leo. Yesterday, Leo ran to the car of the electrician and tried to give him a hug. Yep. The electrician is an older gentlemen, and Leo thought that he must be another relative.
Which brings me to another point. How do I nicely tell our relatives (and close friends) that it's confusing to our children to be greeted with hugs? Our adopted sons are just learning to comfort (or apologize) to each other with a kind word and/or a hug. They do not know these friends and relatives one iota, and it's weird to be hugged by nice "strangers."

Pillow talk

I don't know if it's the summer weather we've been having, or just a product of more time together, but all of the boys have been getting along FABULOUSLY these days. Last night, David and I could hear the three little guys giggling and whispering for an hour after we put them to bed. It was so cute it brought tears to my eyes. And Connor and John have been biking, hiking, playing basketball and running (training for cross-country that starts in the fall) together every day. Yesterday, John and Connor biked 6 miles to the library, ran 3 miles, got out some books, and then biked 6 miles home. They were gone so long that I actually drove to the library to check on them! It's amazing how much they can find to do together in the absence of video games and TV.  I even confiscated their MP3 players at the beginning of the summer because I find that the ear phones tend to become a means of disconnecting from others. I only wish Austin was here to join in the fun!! We are truly enjoying summer. But, right now Austin is completely off the grid in Burma. He will be there for 18 days, then he travels to Thailand to work at the Hilltop orphanage. After 7 days in Thailand, Austin flies to China to stay with Cheng, our former exchange student. Austin will be there a month, learning Chinese! It's all good. I must admit, I love having six sons!

Soy Sauce and Sleep

One of the challenges of adopting an older child is that they already have their likes and dislikes well established. We can encourage them to try new things (swimming!!), but our little guys definitely have set preferences. A few weeks ago, Leo somehow managed to sneak the soy sauce out of the refrigerator and pour it all over his clothes and blankets. Yep, his dresser drawers and some of his clothes were nearly ruined. But they smelled like Chinese food, and I'm guessing he needed that comfort that particular day. Then, recently, Leo began to set up his "bed" on the bedroom floor. If you've been following this blog, you already know that Leo had a difficult time sleeping for several weeks after we arrived home. We attributed it to jet-lag, and eventually we were able to coax Leo into sleeping most nights, although fitfully. Ben (home 2 years now) pointed out to me that the beds in China are wooden boards (literally) covered with a blanket. Leo's bed in China was rock hard. He sleeps better on the floor because our beds are too soft. Duh! Why didn't I think of that? So, every day now, Leo (and now Sam too) will spread their blankets on the floor (next to their very expensive bunk-bed set) to sleep. Do I hope that they will eventually sleep in their bed? Yes. But, for now, I'm thrilled that Leo figures out ways to make our home more like what he was used to in China. Self-advocating, even without words, is an amazing skill-set.