video, disappointment, and decision

Yesterday, we finally received the video of the boy that our WACAP representative really, really liked. A month ago I sent her an email asking if she saw any "special" little guys when she was visiting Shandong last month because we are still toying with the idea of adopting two children again. Well, she was smitten by one little boy, who is missing a few fingers and toes, and probably needs casting for one foot. However, it takes awhile for the videos to be burned onto Cd etc. so we just received our copy of the boy's interview yesterday. The video was extremely disappointing. It's a 9 min. video, and half the time the camera is pointed at the kid's shoes, or at the IQ type test that he is taking. It's just not a good video. The face photo we received last month gave both David and John the impression that the child was cognitively delayed, and now the video did little to dispel that idea. The child never actually speaks on the video, at least that I can hear, and he doesn't even seem to know that he is supposed to answer the questions. Kang Chao, our almost 6 year old son-to-be, was definitely listening while the adults talked during his interview, and you could see a whole range of emotions on his face as he was being questioned. What struck the woman at WACAP about this particular 5 year old was his empathy for others. A 3 year old came in next, sobbing, and this little guy did everything he could to comfort the toddler, including giving up his new toy. While that is certainly a darling and admirable trait, our family is athletic and academic, and we all felt that this particular 5 year old will not be a good fit. What I did learn, however, is that we both felt let-down and disappointed. It was like an unexpected pregnancy, when you found out that you really weren't pregnant after all (or you miscarried), and then realized how upset you were about not being pregnant. Does that make any sense at all?? All along, we haven't been certain if we should play it "safe" and adopt one child, or go for broke and adopt two. The fact that this particular 5 year old boy wasn't "our sixth son" truly sent me the message that we are called to adopt two children again. We hate it that people think we're nuts. We hate it that our almost 16 year old is embarrassed to call us his family. I worry that our 16 year old will totally rebel, and move in with is aunt and uncle ( who totally think we're crazy and encourage him to live with them, play video games and watch TV). So..here we are...struggling through the day, wondering WHY us? Why are we the ones called to adopt?? OF course we know exactly why. We are called because we CAN. We have the money, the room in the house, the energy and the capacity to love and parent. And we are driven to give all we've got, 100%, all the time. I've run 7 marathons, our kids are ranked nationally in running and Taekwond0 (2 of the boys competed in Jr. Olympics in California this year) and we are doers. We are called because WE CAN. David and I often talk about how other people criticize us or call us crazy....and we've decided that people do that because we make their lives seem mediocre, so they criticize us to make themselves feel better. So, we are going to ignore everyone else and do what we know is right. With God's help, we are going to find another little boy, our sixth son.