Friday, January 13, 2012
Twice this week I've come across (in my yahoo adoption groups) families who went to China to adopt an older child, and the child simply refused. Wow. I can't imagine the pain these families must feel. After a year and a half of waiting, all the paperwork, all the money, all the training and all the hoops, to get to China, then to have the child essentially reject you. That is a terrible situation for everyone. When we adopted John we didn't even know that he had the option to refuse to go with us, although we did ask him if he wanted to be adopted (through the translator). He said yes, of course, but he was so obviously frightened and nervous, I couldn't tell for sure what he really felt. But, what a nightmare situation for those who are attempting to adopt children who really don't want to be adopted. And, at age 10, the age where the child has to sign for himself and agree to the adoption, the child can have no idea what kind of a horrible life he/she will have in China after aging out of the orphanage. Occasionally a child can stay in the orphanage as menial labor, but usually the orphan child lives a life of poverty or worse. Many of the children become beggars or prostitutes. The last name Fu (Fu, KangChao) means orphan, so it's not as if our child could quietly blend into Chinese society and get a job. Without family, in China, you are nothing but a bad omen. And looking at how amazingly far John has come in less than 2 years, I can't help but think what a waste it would be to the world if John was left to live on the streets. Almost 2 years later, I realize how blessed we are to have our son John. He could've said, "No." He chose us to be his family. The thought still boggles my mind.