Mid-life decisions

On the way home from taekwondo class last night, Connor (age almost 13) happened to mention that one of his friends spends most of his hours, days, and weeks, completely alone, except for when he is at school.  Then Connor mentioned that two more of his friends are in the exact same situation. These parents all had a late-life child (all big families), and the last child is virtually raising himself while the parents move on to their retirement lives. The whole conversation just reinforced for me that we are absolutely doing the right thing adopting more little guys! Otherwise, I'll be in my early 50's when the three teens graduate, and Ben will be the kid who is just left behind. We want to keep the laughter, the lessons, the chaotic dinner around the table every night for Ben.

I800 correction

We received our corrected I800 approval today! I actually forgot that the first approval had Dang Tong's name spelled wrong and that we needed to receive a new one. Now, our DS230 can be submitted so that we can move to the next step. Hooray! This past weekend I joined another half-dozen yahoo groups for parents adopting (or who have adopted) from China. I was thrilled to finally find the group for Heilongjiang province. I searched once before and couldn't find it, but this time it popped up! I also found a group called DTC2011. All the people on this group are on a similar timeline as us. Maybe, just maybe, we'll meet up with some of my online friends when we travel!

Our boys will be boys

This weekend, I was reminded how different everything will be once we have two more little ones. For instance, I organized a Christmas caroling party for Sat. evening. The teens shunned the caroling, and I had to drag them to the car (figuratively) with a promise to take them skiing on Sunday if they cooperated. So the teens (and their friends) trudged along the roadside, but did not sing and they did not cooperate. Ben excitedly rang the doorbells and tried to get into the spirit of the carols for awhile; then the teens convinced Ben that caroling wasn't cool, and he began to hang back with the spoilsports. Next year, we'll have three little ones and the joy will NOT be contained! I also realized that it will be much harder to have our movie nights. As it is, lately we are watching movies I do not think are appropriate for 8 1/2 year old Ben (Harry Potter, for example); once we have three little guys, it will be darn near impossible to find movies that everyone in the family will enjoy. Hmmm. Tonight we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of Xiao, our exchange student 08-09. He currently attends University of Chicago, and he is going to stay with us for ten days. We can't wait to see him!! He came to visit last Thanksgiving, and he also stayed with us in Beijing during  our adoption trip in 2010. Hooray for Xiao. Now off to cook a mountain of food!

Do They Know it's Christmas

I haven't been writing much about our adoptions because there hasn't been anything new to report. However, I DO think about, worry about, pray about and prepare for our adoptions every single day. I read other people's adoption blogs constantly, and I ponder why our adoptions are taking soooo darn long. It's been a year since we submitted our pre-approval paperwork, and we truly thought that we would have the boys already. In fact, we thought that by reusing our dossier, we might even travel to China the summer of 2011. NOT. I read a blog yesterday that listed the homestudy date six months after ours, and they already have their new children home! But I keep reminding myself that this is not in my control. I have to grieve and relieve. That is the term I learned today in the workshop I attended, entitled, "Power and Control...Who's Really in Charge Here Anyway." We need to grieve our loss of control, and then relieve ourselves of the need for control. Basically, give it up to God, because it's not in our hands. So..nothing new on the adoption front, but I am buying presents for Sam and Leo to send to China every time I Christmas shop. On another note, I've convinced John to write down his "story." John is motivated to make money, and I told him that he could author a book about Chinese orphanages etc. from his perspective and list it on Amazon. Finally, John is motivated to write in English!! And, maybe, just maybe, we will learn more about his past. We've heard little tidbits, but not about all the trauma he has suffered. Writing down his story, I'm convinced, will help him in endless ways. Every once in awhile I get a brilliant idea! Hooray!

I 800 Approval

Our I800 approval arrived the other day, dated December 1st. However, our little guy's name is spelled wrong (Tung, instead of Tong) and we have to have it corrected. No big deal, since there is now NO Way we are going to travel before the end of this year. In fact, we are not in a rush at all anymore since the earliest we can travel is April. Our next step is to submit the DS230 form to China. In the meantime, I've been buying Christmas presents for the boys at home, and I'm trying to decide when it will be the best time to send gifts, photos and letters to our boys in China. Our caseworker said that it is NOT appropriate to send multiple packages over the course of the next five months. I see on blogs that parents often send lots of letters etc., but our caseworker said that the orphanage staff finds that practice upsetting. One particular child then gets showered with goodies and the other children simply wait. I'm now leaning toward sending things at the end of January. The Chinese New Year is at the end of January this year, and gifts are welcome at that time. I will pick up a few things to send after Christmas. I've already purchased a few toys to take with us when we go to China, including a marbleworks set. The four boys (we have decided to take Ben with us now too!) can play that for hours! I've also purchased overnight diapers (on sale) "just in case." It's easy to assume that 5 year old and a 6 1/2 year old boys would be completely potty-trained, but lots of little boys wet the bed at night and I want to be prepared. I can always donate them to the orphanage later if we don't need them.

LOA!!

Friday evening (Nov. 4) we received a call from Elizabeth Rose that we finally received our Letter of Confirmation for the adoptions! Whoo hoo! Of course, the first question I asked, IF there is ANY chance we could expedite everything and travel in December still. No, that just won't happen, I was told. With that knowledge, I can actually pick out travel dates for April. We think we'll shoot for April 5-April 21st. At least it will be warmer in Daqing then, and blazing hot in Guangzhou. It's still five months away, but I'm feeling like the adoptions are now more real. We just pray the boys will all adjust and be happy with us. Tomorrow I'm going to compose letters and care packages to send. Five months is a longgg time to wait for a little guy. Maybe I should hold off on mailing the letters and photographs until closer to travel?

Grrrr

Today I asked if we ever received the blood test results we requested (HIV and syphilis) for Dang, Tong. No, as a matter of fact, we didn't. Later, I got an email saying that once again we were sent the Dr. form requesting the tests, but no actual test results. These tests are standard and the results are usually part of the medical records. Now, it seems that we have to ask to have the tests repeated, since the results are no where to be found. I feel bad for our little guy having to go through yet one more blood draw, but the test results are important! I was also told that the agency checked on our file Oct. 11th, and there is no particular reason for the LONG wait for our Letter seeking confirmation. Our file is in process, and that is that. Another list serve friend had a log in date of July 20th, and they already have I800 approval! They will probably travel in November!! Grrr.