Exhaused...but..

I'm been absolutely exhausted this entire trip. And I've been awake close to 30 hours straight now, because of our flight cancellation. But before I go to bed, I need to say that we just ADORE our new sons. I don't think I've taken the time to fully capture the emotions; I'm too busy reporting events, most days. The last few days, while traveling, I cuddled our new sons for the entire two day trip home.Yes, I've spent a fair amount of time complaining about United Airlines. They suck, by the way. But I got to spend endless, uninterrupted hours holding and loving our children. Sam and I walked the aisles multiple times, and we found the secret stash of pretzels to raid in the back galley of the plane. Hooray, Momma. That earned me a kiss!   Leo just cries his heart out for me,and meets me gleefully (picture previous post) if I'm gone for even a minute. I've never met a child who needs love and a family more than Leo. And let me tell you about Sam...Oh. My.Word. Sam is terrified of the dogs, but he stands on the carpet (it took him less than 5 minutes to realize our well-trained dogs do not step on carpet), and scolds the 3 dogs. He claps his hands, wags his finger, and throws them treats. So amazingly adorable. I can't wait for our family to meet them. Leo is needy, sweet (when's he's not terrified), and very baby-like. This evening he sang to me the lyrics of "Rock a bye Baby.." because I sing it to him and I rock him every day. If I had any inkling that Leo would learn English so quickly, I really would have picked a different song to sing. Leo was listed on his file as "cognitively delayed." Obviously, he's as smart as a whip. So now, we think, perhaps he was "just" traumatized. In case you're part of an anti-adoption group and you just don't get it, I'm being sarcastic. When I realized that Leo was responding to rocking, the song"Rock a Bye Baby" was the first song that popped into my head. Knowing that Leo doesn't understand English , I just sang the same numbing lullaby, over and over again, just trying to calm him and prevent him from hitting and pinching me and himself.I didn't really think about the lyrics. Now, upon reflection.. Ugh. I'm Sorry. I really could have picked a better song with which to sooth my traumatized child. The whole " Down goes baby, cradle and all." Yikes.So all of you who think I'm a super parent------be gone. I picked the worst-ever baby song to sing to our five year old. I wasn't ready for a baby! And, by the way,  I'm not that tolerant right now of the advice of parents who have less than 8 children!
Leo also has definite and absolute fears and night terrors. He is terrified of the water (making bath time less-than-fun), afraid of the dark,afraid of  being alone,afraid of the toilet, etc. etc...Leo is a child who has been traumatized, in my experience.

Home at long last

April 22^nd 2010 Home at Last!

After what seemed like the  never ending trip, we finally did arrive home, safe and sound. If you ever want to truly question your sanity, travel on a 15 hour (17.5 hour if you count sitting on the tarmac for 90 min)flight with four boys, two of whom don’t speak English, and a United crew that doesn’t believe in food or service. Enough said. Our family met us at the Rochester airport, our friends met us there also with us our oldest son (and a fabulous dinner---Thanks Joan---just what the Dr. ordered!) and everyone is in bed a mere 29 hours later. No, we didn’t sleep on the plane one iota, so I’ll keep this entry amazingly short.

The never ending trip

April 21—leaving Hong Kong--the first attempt

After the first good night’s sleep (we had a double bed, instead of sharing a twin bed!) we left for the airport at 7:20am. At the airport we learned that our flight out of Hong Kong was delayed by 5 hours. Of course, we had to stand in line for an hour, only to find out that by the time we arrive in Newark tonight (and clear customs and immigration for our adopted children) we will have missed the last flight to Rochester. Great. Just great. The United representative offered us no alternatives, and I had to push hard to even get him to check for flights and times for other airlines, and/or alternate routes. My laptop wouldn’t connect to the wi-fi for some reason, and so I couldn’t even tell him exactly what it was that I wanted. Later, when I found a pubic computer available for use, I saw that we could have been moved to a Cathey Pacific flight instead. However, it was already too late by the time I saw it online. Really, this trip is no fun at all. DangTong (Leo) is still acts like a feral cat. He rubs up against us, loving and purring and begging for attention, then suddenly he scratches or hits. His behavior is a good indicator of the quality (or lack thereof) of his orphanage. Last night, John showed Leo the bruises on my arm (from where he has pinched me) and he did act guilty and remorseful. So we have hope that with lots of love, consistency, and attention we will be able to help him heal.

It’s 10 hours later now, and we are STILL just sitting in the airport. We are now waiting for a bus to take us to the Hyatt Regency Shatin (45 minutes from the airport). Yep, our flight was delayed for five hours, then it was canceled entirely. We waited in line at the United Airlines counter for another two hours, in order to be rescheduled for the flight tomorrow. The only good thing I can say about Hong Kong airport is that they have regular toilets!! I’m thrilled that I don’t have to hold our five year old child over the squatty potty anymore. United was NOT at ALL helpful. We’ve received no compensation for our delay, or sympathy; we are lucky they are putting us up in a hotel 45 min away, I guess. As we waited in line, we watched platters of dumplings and other food being wheeled past us, into the lounge. We were not offered any food, drink, or even a comfortable waiting area. Our children sat on the dirty floor, waiting for hours. Sam said several times, in both English and Chinese, “Let’s go.” He also told everyone within earshot that he was HUNGRY. We didn’t dare leave the line to seek out lunch, and breakfast was at 7am! Our rescheduled flight is at 7:30am tomorrow (Sunday), which means we get to leave the hotel at 5am. After receiving our hotel vouchers and bus tickets, we had to wait in line for another hour to go back through immigration, fill out arrival forms (again), and wait to reclaim our baggage. Then we had to walk (what seemed like) another mile to get to the area where we had to wait for the bus to take us to the hotel. Again, we were afraid to go find food because we didn’t want to miss the bus. No one from United would give us (in English or Chinese) any information. We (all the passengers from the canceled flight) were shuffled around like unsuspecting cattle, heading to the slaughter.

DangTong (Leo) still refused to take off his jacket, and he was hot and sweaty during this entire ordeal. As we headed through customs (again) an airline personnel took Leo’s temperature. I was crossing my fingers that we wouldn’t be placed in a medical quarantine! Our poor guy is from Daqing (two hours outside of Harbin) where it’s bitter cold, so he’s used to wearing many layers all the time. We can’t convince him that it’s ok to take off his jacket/sweater/shirt/long underwear, even when sweat is just pouring down his face. Every morning he dresses in his layers, and we don’t want to fight with him over clothes. We just hope Leo will eventual mimic the other children and dress for the warmer weather.

As I write this, we are now sitting in a meeting room on the 24^th floor of the Hyatt Shatin. Apparently, United Airlines sent twenty of us to this hotel, without confirming it with the hotel first, and there are no rooms available. The Hyatt staff brought us orange juice and water, but it’s 6:30pm now, and our children have had only a few apples and candy since breakfast at 4am. I didn’t pack much food, since we were stuck in the airport yesterday, and were supposed to be flying all day, with meals provided. Fortunately, since the hotel reserves the “family suites” for large groups, we were one of the first of our “layover group” to actually get assigned a room!!  A bunch of other people weren’t as lucky. After not eating all day, we ran at the dinner buffet by 7:30pm, and it was one of the nicest buffets I’ve ever seen. Rooms full of food, of all types, and the children ate a ton. During dinner, Leo was playing with his water glass and Sam told him in English “No.” Leo responded, in English, “Be nice.” Lol. We let the kids swim for 30 minutes (Leo still won’t go near the pool), and we put them to bed by 9:30pm. We have a 4am wake-up call and a 5am bus to catch.

Last full day in China

April 20, 2012

This morning, I was awakened by a great big hug and kiss from Sam!! Be still my heart! What an amazing gift to receive from a child who has only known me for two weeks. Sam was jumping around, all excited for the day to begin, calling “Qichuangle” in a light and lilting voice (Wake up! Wake up!). Leo also gave me a hug this morning, but that is normal for him, being the clinging one. Sam and Ben are the best of buddies, but Sam still regularly lectures (yells at!) Leo. Sam wags a finger in Leo’s face and tells him that he’s not a baby, stop crying and be a boy; at least that is what John tells us that Sam is saying. We ate our last breakfast in Guangzhou, and we packed up our suitcases. Hooray!! Yippee!! Now we have only seven more hours to kill before we board the bus to Hong Kong. All the toys are packed now too, so it’s going to be an especially long couple of days of travel. Our flight is out of Hong Kong Saturday morning, and our first flight is 15 ½ hours long. Then we have several hours in Newark, NY, followed by our 90 min. flight back to Rochester. Please pray that we don’t have trouble with the kids on the plane, and that we don’t have any delays.

We’ve been away from home for sixteen days now. If it wasn’t pouring rain for the last four days, we might have been able to enjoy Guangzhou more. It is a tropical paradise, after all. The pool is gorgeous, although it is outside and we have only been able to swim a few times.

Both Leo and Sam are already beginning to learn English. So far, Leo can say (and understand) the following: Let’s go; Brush your teeth; Banana; apple; more coffee (he’s heard us say that so often); Uno; blue; yellow; red; one; two; three; four; five

Sam seems to understand quite a bit, but he doesn’t actually speak much in English yet. He does answer and recognize his American name already. Leo sounds quite similar to Liu (six) in Chinese. Leo knows he is the sixth brother too, which was our original intent.

At noon, we met Cheng’s parents (the Liang family) for a last meal together. We walked (in the rain) to a dumpling restaurant and gorged on yet another two hour feast. Chinese food in China bears little resemblance to the Chinese food served at restaurants in America. When you have someone who knows where to eat, the food is simply amazing. The glass bowls etc. were wrapped in plastic wrap, but the Liang family still insisted that we use our hot tea to wash our bowls and cups. (We were taught that we should swish it around and pour it out before we ate off the dishes). Mrs. Liang explained that it accepted is tradition. We are always served first, and if we decline to take a sample of the dish our hosts would be insulted, so we eat everything. Some things were too spicy for my taste, and we NEVER ask what type of food is being served, we all just try everything and eat more of the dishes we like the best. Cheng’s parents know that we are not used to Cantonese spicy dishes, and they order with our tastes in mind. Again, they are an amazing family, and we love spending time with them. We had John translate sometimes, but for the most part we just communicate using body language, the little Mandarin I know, and the little English they know.

Today Cheng's parents commented that Leo is adjusting a little better each day, and we learned that he loves corn congee. Our hotel in Guangzhou only served rice congee at breakfast, and none of the children like rice congee, so I’ve never learned how to make it. Now that I know the boys all like corn congee, I will learn how to cook it. I had to tell the two Chinese Grandmas that Leo really couldn’t eat any more food (after four bowls of congee) because his stomach is small (from having just a small amount to eat each day) and Leo will throw up if he eats too much. They want to show their love by feeding our children lots of goodies, and it was hard to tell them no. They just dote on our children. Through the translation of John, we explained that both Ben and KangChao threw up regularly when we first adopted them, and we were trying to spare Leo the experience. Luckily, I did have a plastic bag ready, and as I predicted Leo threw up on the 3 ½ hour (absolutely, a take your life in your own hands during the pouring rain, car trip) to Hong Kong. We’re in the hotel by the airport now, watching KungFu Panda. Really, really, can’t wait to get home! We miss Austin and Connor, and our dogs. We miss having a king-sized bed. We are grateful for the blessings we have received in China, and we are really, really, happy to be going home!!!!! The memories will fade (as will the bruises inflicted by DangTong on my arms) and we will eventually look back at all this with fondness. That is just how it works. People are amazingly resilient. Thank you God, and thank all of you for all your prayers.

Consulate Appointment

April 19 2012

We got up and out the door early this morning because finally, finally, we had our Consulate Appointment! We went by van (15 min away) and sat in a big waiting room with a bunch of other adoptive families. Our kids were the oldest, other than two 13 year old children. The one boy who was almost 14, kept his head down in his hands (maybe crying) the entire time. I felt terrible for him (and his parents) because I remember how hard it was for John, only two years ago. Anyway, we swore the oath (standing up, right hand raised), signed more documents, and then we were back at the hotel by 9:45am. Cheng’s parents were supposed to meet us at 10:30, but then, since it was pouring rain, they didn’t come to our hotel until noon. John, Ben and I went with the Liang family to a wonderful museum. David stayed and napped with Leo and Sam. They had been awake for 6 hours by then, and needed a rest. Ben really enjoyed the museum, and John took over 300 photos. We returned to the hotel at 4:00pm, and all 10 of us walked to a restaurant for an early dinner. As I’ve mentioned before, after an enormous breakfast buffet in the morning, we rarely eat more than a piece of fruit for lunch. We are always hungry by 4p. We walked across the street to another restaurant and again ate a long and elaborate meal. I’m sure I’ve gained quite a few pounds this trip! At 7:30pm, we were once again playing UNO in our room. By 8:30pm, we were back in bed. Tomorrow is our last day in China, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much we are looking forward going home!!!!

Best Day in China!

We had the best day in China, to date!! Yippee. This tired momma is happy to report that we are seeing huge improvements in Leos behavior!! Rocking him routinely (several hours a day) has really helped a ton. We had breakfast this morning,. and Leo did not throw any utensils or food. He called me names sometimes, but very quickly clamped his hand over his mouth and just as quickly said Sorry momma. Then he said Momma Hen Hao! (spelling??). It means momma is very good. Many times today Leo said Momma is very good; I think he said I was good at least as many times as he called me bad names. I call it even. Leo still hits and pinches himself regularly, which. to be honest, scares the crap of out of us, but he seems to know now that we don’t want him to hurt us or himself either. Cheng’s parents (Cheng was our exchange student 09-10) came to visit, and it took them less than a minute before they asked John what’s wrong with DangTong. John explained in Chinese that we’re working through some things, and, of course, they were just FABULOUS. They don’t know more than 10 words of English, but they are just wonderful people, and extremely supportive. They also brought their parents on this trip (a 5 hour flight) to meet us too!! Wow!! We feel so honored. We all went (several taxi cabs) to a botanical park to spend the day. It poured rain half the time, but they are all such great people we just hid out in a greenhouse waiting for the storm to pass. We had an elaborate and wonderful lunch, and we were all honored guests of Cheng’s parents. David and I took turns carrying DangTong, and the two grandmas kept trying to talk him into giving momma‘s back a break. He's 5 years old next week, and should really walk sometimes. No dice. After lunch (and we were soaked to the skin by the afternoon), we retired to our hotel. Cheng’s parents took John and Ben (and the grandparents) to their hotel, and the four of us rested in our room for two hours. When they all returned to our hotel at 5pm, we spent a few hours playing the card game UNO! No one was hungry, so we let the new little kids play legos while we all played cards. After KangChao and DongTang went to sleep, about 8pm, we left the sleeping children with John and met the Liangs (Cheng’s parents) at the lounge to really talk. We spent several hours attempting to talk with them,about adoption, our children, the economy, China, their son Cheng, and world politic. We just now (11pm) said goodbye. They are going to look for an activity tomorrow that is not outside. It’s supposed to rain again all day. Ugh. We just can’t seem to catch a break.

The Italian Restaurant

We went to “The Italian Restaurant” (around the corner from the hotel) for the third time this week. We go there early (4pmish) and it’s been working out well. First of all, they are used to seeing Americans. We do not get stared at, and no one asks John a bunch of questions that make him uncomfortable. We are usually the only people there at that hour, so it’s relatively fast to eat there. And they have great French-fries! The boys love French-fries! And John likes their pizza too. Things are improving with DangTong (Leo). He only threw food once during dinner, and he immediately he looked guilty and said Sorry. It was like he just couldn’t help himself. I didn’t have to remove all the utensils out of his reach this time, and we ate in relative peace. I’m finding that Leo enjoys being rocked. I don’t have a rocking chair, but I do hold him like I would a baby, rock him with my body, and sing soothing lullabies. John and David think it’s ridiculous that I treat Leo as I would a baby, but it does seem to be helping his behavior. Hey, whatever works!

We had our friends from Seattle over to “our house” again tonight. Yep, we had 6 boys and two adults in a hotel room, pretending we actually had a normal social life. Their bio son is the same age as Ben, and really, it’s just nice to hang out with English speaking, intelligent people this week!! We exchanged emails, and you never know. Maybe they’ll join us on a cruise or something, sometime in the future! Leo is slowly showing signs of improvement. He didn’t hurt anyone at all today, only hit David over the head (with a gameboy) once, and he’s not self-mutilating anymore. We take that as a good sign.

Our friends from Seattle are leaving tomorrow, and our exchange student’s parents (lived with us’09-‘10) are flying down from Lanzhou (5 hour flight) to see us for a few days. We can’t wait to see them!! I told John to tell them to spoil the heck out of Ben and Sam, which they LOVE to do, and leave Leo to me. They always come loaded with gifts, and they tend to just love our children to death!! But I still want Leo to only want me, for now, so that I can help him adjust. Again, we need to keep him as close as possible and just rock and hold him all day. I’m not sure Cheng’s parents will “get” that Leo has special needs and we need to keep him close to us. John said they are going to think you are a bad mom. I assured him that they know me better than that. Their son lived with us for a year! They know that if I’m doing something different with Leo, it’s because he needs help. Fingers crossed.